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Toshabi wrote:
For starters, your essay has some serious formatting issues. Unless you're in 7th grade, there's no reason for your essay to not follow MLA or APA formatting. I will fix your poorly put together essay when I get back from work and tell you why you're wrong + a bunch of other mean and rude things. yeh.
Asking for MLA on an internet forum is kinda tough... If he handed us a word document/google doc I could understand but this is fine for the forums lol
DillButt64 wrote:
yes because im totally going to type perfectly on a forum for a video game when i could just type lazy and since i type SOOOOOOO bad on this forum it MUST mean im uneducated and have no idea how to write an essay or anything for that matter thanks you for judging my knowledge based solely on how i type on a forum for a video game on the internet
DillButt i have lost all hope in you
OK THIS IS HOW I WRITE MY ESSAYS
Introduction
Hook
Thesis
Sentence Laying Foundation for the first paragraph
Another for the Second
Another for the third
Restate Hook and Thesis into a transition sentence for the first paragraph
Body 1
Rewrite First Body Thesis Beginning with strongest piece of evidence
Support Thesis with Analysis and Evidence
Restate Body 1 in context of thesis as a whole
Body 2 and 3 Do the same thing as Body 1
Conclusion
Restate Hook/Meta
Specify by restating the thesis
One sentence for each body paragraph
Rewrite hook and thesis into a conclusion
ALSO PLEASE LOOK AT THE LINK
http://thisibelieve.org/essay/21249/
THIS IS WHAT THE ESSAY IS MADE TO MIMIC
Introduction
Hook
Thesis
Sentence Laying Foundation for the first paragraph
Another for the Second
Another for the third
Restate Hook and Thesis into a transition sentence for the first paragraph
Body 1
Rewrite First Body Thesis Beginning with strongest piece of evidence
Support Thesis with Analysis and Evidence
Restate Body 1 in context of thesis as a whole
Body 2 and 3 Do the same thing as Body 1
Conclusion
Restate Hook/Meta
Specify by restating the thesis
One sentence for each body paragraph
Rewrite hook and thesis into a conclusion
ALSO PLEASE LOOK AT THE LINK
http://thisibelieve.org/essay/21249/
THIS IS WHAT THE ESSAY IS MADE TO MIMIC
Canoas
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@DillButt64
How you type is what I read and what I read is what I judge. If you don't want me to read a ****py post with bad grammar and idiotic statements then don't write it in the first place.
@MrCuddowls
That text has much more meaning than yours. I don't think the ideas you wrote can be compared to the experience that dude has that lead him to writing poems. I suggest you change the "having fun part" to something more touching like a bonding moment with a family member.
If I were you I would write something based on this idea.
second paragraph (what connected you with video games):
"My grandfather had arthritis, so he couldn't do much and barely left the house. One day my parents left me at his place for the afternoon, and since I knew there would be nothing interesting to do I brought my old nintendo 64. That was one of the first times I saw him actually having fun.
text body: describe video games
You need to talk about how video games positively impact your life. You can easily find benefits of video games with a quick google search. You need to also talk about what you feel when you play video games. Remember to say something bad as well such as when you can't win a game because you're not good enough.
last paragraph: just finish with a touching scene
"My grandfather passed away a few years ago, but I never fail to remember those sunday afternoons that I spent with him every time a new game Zelda game comes out. In hindsight, this is probably the reason why I'm so connected to video games and hope to become a successful developer in the future."
This is utter ******** that I just came up with, but it's both touching and shows a positive aspect of video games that few other activities could provide. One thing I was taught to always use to my advantage: The reader doesn't know you, you can make up stories to your benefit.
How you type is what I read and what I read is what I judge. If you don't want me to read a ****py post with bad grammar and idiotic statements then don't write it in the first place.
@MrCuddowls
That text has much more meaning than yours. I don't think the ideas you wrote can be compared to the experience that dude has that lead him to writing poems. I suggest you change the "having fun part" to something more touching like a bonding moment with a family member.
If I were you I would write something based on this idea.
second paragraph (what connected you with video games):
"My grandfather had arthritis, so he couldn't do much and barely left the house. One day my parents left me at his place for the afternoon, and since I knew there would be nothing interesting to do I brought my old nintendo 64. That was one of the first times I saw him actually having fun.
text body: describe video games
You need to talk about how video games positively impact your life. You can easily find benefits of video games with a quick google search. You need to also talk about what you feel when you play video games. Remember to say something bad as well such as when you can't win a game because you're not good enough.
last paragraph: just finish with a touching scene
"My grandfather passed away a few years ago, but I never fail to remember those sunday afternoons that I spent with him every time a new game Zelda game comes out. In hindsight, this is probably the reason why I'm so connected to video games and hope to become a successful developer in the future."
This is utter ******** that I just came up with, but it's both touching and shows a positive aspect of video games that few other activities could provide. One thing I was taught to always use to my advantage: The reader doesn't know you, you can make up stories to your benefit.
Syther Blade wrote:
This seems crazy short, and it's alot of filler. The filler part being a good thing though if the teachers a derp
Its already been established that the essay is complete ****
i cant trust you anyway your like 12
MrCuddowls wrote:
Its already been established that the essay is complete ****
i cant trust you anyway your like 12
i think it has become common knowledge on the NA server that I'm 15...
I'm older than you dumbass
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