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Discorderly Conduct: How Toshabi Went For It

Creator: Toshabi November 17, 2012 4:10pm
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Jan 18th, 2011
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HotshotGG was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of her burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Toshabi signed it. And Toshabi's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old HotshotGG was as dead as a door-nail.

And so Toshabi went to play league in his memory. And he played the game terribly. A year went on by as he toiled through game after game, taking a sick pleasure of making his team lose by using atrocious builds, knowing full well that they were awful. Until, one day, he played AP Master Yi. Then, the game was good to him. Months later, an AP yi guide appeared in a realm he resided in, MOBAfail. It was confirmed; he was headed for dead last...... and he was okay with that.

A half year went by of tormenting normal queue with stupid, fun builds that won games for reasons people couldn't even explain. As HotshotGG puts it "Get your ****ing microphone out of my face, I don't have time to spare to you ******ed nerds".

..... and so HotshotGG sued and won a case against an interview staff. Also, it was found out that he was actually still alive.

To avenge his fallen interviewing staff, Toshabi vowed to head for greatness in ranked queue, swearing an oath to stab his keyboard through the heart of HotshotGG's e-weiner. And to do this, he had to somehow get better at league. So he recruits Twilight Sparkle to carry him in ranked.

Despite his best efforts of riding Twilight Sparkle as if they were a 25 cent grocery store horse ride, he only made it to gold in season 2. From down below the ranked charts, Toshabi looked up and saw his mortal nemesis laughing from on top of the mountains of skulls he sat upon. People who were known as 'his loyal fans', selflessly throwing their games so he could maintain a diamond title amongst people who truly deserves to be there. And Toshabi said "What a **** >:[". And it was forever known that Toshabi thought HotshotGG was a ****.

Even though this rivalry only exists in the imagination of Toshabi, a vow was made to climb the top of this daunting road known as Season 3 ranked queue to slay HotshotGG in ultimate vengeance of his fallen interview team (that probably never existed). With the assistance of Twilight Sparkle, will he be able to climb to the top of the ranking ladders to attack HotshotGG in glorious combat?

Actually, this is just my ranked journey thread.

Episode 1: Escape from Castle Placement Matches




RoyaL SuN: NUD
Luke The Duke: adc
Twílight Sparkle: hi, i am playing adc
RoyaL SuN: MID
Twílight Sparkle: sorry luke =[
Luke The Duke: I AM SUPPORT
Díscord: Hey guys
Díscord: just to get things started
Díscord: someone posted my picture online
Twílight Sparkle: yer hot
Díscord: so I figured it'd be a great way to break the ice ^_^
Díscord: Do any of you guys find me attractive? ^_^
Twílight Sparkle: Ahri does
Díscord: RoyaL SuN, I really hate how you have all those ******ed capitol letters in your name, but hey, I'm pretty hot IRL
Luke The Duke: u have 37.5% win ration as ez??/
Díscord: so it's cool ^_^
Twílight Sparkle: yeah
Twílight Sparkle: check my stats
Twílight Sparkle: my kda
Twílight Sparkle: bad teams
Díscord: Hey Luke, do you have a 100% win rate with any champ?
Díscord: and have more than 100 games on them?
Díscord: No? =[
Díscord: then you should probably stop talking. =[ =[ =[ =[ =[
Luke The Duke: i do
Twílight Sparkle: getting judged by the 5th pick, too legit to quit yo
Díscord: D:
Díscord: PROOF!
Díscord: I want screen shots
Luke The Duke: lol
Díscord: or else I will forever brand you as a stupid lying *****
Luke The Duke: u think im low elo cause of me?
Díscord: write a big L on yoru chest
Díscord: letter L for LIAR >:[
Twílight Sparkle: do you think i have a 37.5% win rate as ez cause of me?
Twílight Sparkle: nope!
Díscord: YOU'RE A PHONY >:[

My analysis: Our team is a bunch of sad sacks. I tried making small chat with them (our taric was hitting on Twilight Sparkle the whole game) throughout the game and the only person I got to actually talk was ahri. Oh, that and I LOCKED IN WITH MY GODDAM AP RUNES! AHOIJFOAISJFOASJFO! On the bright side, my ult dished out tons of damage. That and I've fought so many Jaxes top lane before that this match was over before it even started. I ate that guy alive, took over the top side of their mao's jungle and had enough time to dive into their summoner's pool right before the match ended. My team was surprisingly on par and were rather well coordinated, however, I think it's because someone got mad in all chat and I told them to blame their jungler. I guess that helped. :3c

Needless to say, the reason why we won was because the other team just plain sucked. That is all.
IceCreamy wrote:

(1:07): I prefer your balls over ***hol

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Game 2



Axtec69 joined the room.
Díscord joined the room.
Twílight Sparkle joined the room.
RomeoNguyen joined the room.
iLikeKudos joined the room.
Díscord: tyvm
Twílight Sparkle: i would very much enjoy playing adc
Díscord: bot lane is my weakest lane THOUGH
Twílight Sparkle: tyvm!
RomeoNguyen: i play lee sin
Axtec69: ranged AD top
RomeoNguyen: any lane
Twílight Sparkle: wait, what's this?!
Twílight Sparkle: my s3
Twílight Sparkle: BLITZ
Twílight Sparkle: DEBUT
Twílight Sparkle: MOFOS
RomeoNguyen: im mid
iLikeKudos: PICK
iLikeKudos: ME BLITZ
Twílight Sparkle: i play blitz and adcs, like those are my things
Díscord: Twilight spangle is an amazing blitz
Twílight Sparkle: so if you aren't good at adc and you are good at him
Twílight Sparkle: you can play him
Twílight Sparkle: and i will play adc
RomeoNguyen: actually
RomeoNguyen: hmm
RomeoNguyen: ahri vs lee
Axtec69: let me ADC
iLikeKudos: so what do we need?
Díscord: we need top and adc
Twílight Sparkle: some sort of ap
Díscord: cuz imma junga
Twílight Sparkle: and oh lawd
Twílight Sparkle: kayle top
Díscord: jungaaaaaaa
Díscord: oh god
Axtec69: kayle ranged AD
Axtec69: with blitz
Díscord: we lose ;_;
iLikeKudos: ...
iLikeKudos: really?
Axtec69: no way
Axtec69: kayle strong
Axtec69: just witness it
Díscord: i'd rather play adc /)._.(\
Díscord: :<
Twílight Sparkle: srs
Díscord: srsly
Axtec69: i cant mid
Díscord: OH GOD
Díscord: OH GOD
Díscord: YEAH!
RomeoNguyen: jayce jungle
Díscord: J-
RomeoNguyen: is terror
RomeoNguyen: no
RomeoNguyen: lol
Twílight Sparkle: we have no ap
Twílight Sparkle: this is not good
Axtec69: witness kayle bot
Twílight Sparkle: you didnt
Twílight Sparkle: olaf top
Díscord: ****- oh kayle is bt?
iLikeKudos: kayle is adc
Twílight Sparkle: you;'re jungle
Twílight Sparkle: lol
Axtec69: im bot
Díscord: OH MY GOD!
Axtec69: you get mid
Díscord: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY- oh
Díscord: no lee sin is mid
Díscord: im jungling
Twílight Sparkle: what
Twílight Sparkle: im so confused
Díscord: WE HAVE NO AP
Díscord: OH MY GOD
Twílight Sparkle: i hate life
Axtec69: lol omg
Twílight Sparkle: do you play fidds?
Twílight Sparkle: uh
Axtec69: one of you jungle
Díscord: .. **** FIDDLES >:[
Axtec69: discord get mid
iLikeKudos: kayle please dun troll us
Díscord: GOD ****IGN DAMNIT
Díscord: >:C
Axtec69: **** that
Díscord: oh
Twílight Sparkle: im so sad
Díscord: get a mid?
Axtec69: im not trolling
Twílight Sparkle: i got blitz
Twílight Sparkle: and
Díscord: aight im midding?
Díscord: wtf?
Twílight Sparkle: we're not gonna be able to play it
Twílight Sparkle: im so sad
Axtec69: we are
Axtec69: watch
Axtec69: we'll wreck
Axtec69: guaranteed
iLikeKudos: so no jungle?
Twílight Sparkle: someone get smite
Axtec69: olaf or lee sin jungle
Twílight Sparkle: PLSSSSSS
Axtec69: you grab
Axtec69: insta death

My Analysis: Wow, this is lame. No I'm serious, the whole "analysis" portion of these things make me feel like a big, fat, loser nerd who will never be loved except to people who look up to me..... which isn't that many people. =[ =[ =[ =[

OH! Yeah, the game! YEAH! So, get this! We go into summoner select right? And we're like, yeah lets do this! So someone calls mid. Cool! I don't really care. I think. Lemme read the chat...... yeaaaaaaaaaah! Yup! I don't care. I despise bot lane with a passion. I HATE having to rely on people for my success. The least I have to do that during laning, the better. SO YEAH! Get this,.... err, I just said that. ANYWAYS, this guy goes lee. We're like.... okay. You saw that **** in a stream and you wanna do it (well in our heads. I know we were all thinking that). So everyone is like HOLY **** WHAT DO I GO AS!!!! Olaf takes the jungle to molest the jungle creeps with his gigantic beard and horrid body odor (think Brony convention), adc was taken by a Kayle, WHO WE THOUGHT WAS GOING TOP LANE OAISJDFASWOIJASOIFJ and twilight spangle went support because they know just how much I hate going bot lane. >:[ + Twilight Sparkle is the bestest blitz ever (as the enemy botlane found out). So I'm like "HOLY **** VLAD AND SWAIN SUCK AGAINST DARIUS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK DO I DO!?!??!?!?!". So out of sheer panic and due to the fact that we didn't have an AP, I close my eyes and click.

I got Viktor.

All I could say is HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA! Darius got OBLITERATED top lane. Every time he pulled me in, I just threw down my stun, stopped him in place and beamed him down with my laser (I rushed me red hot augment first). I was eating Darius alive and demolished his jungler when they both failed a ganked and both got killed. It wasn't until they brought the spider ***** (i dont remember her name) when they finally turned me into scrap metal.

and that SUCKED!

Despite getting blown up twice, I blew up their team way more times to make up for the time lost in lane. I got a little worried because our Kayle sucked bottom despite Twilight Sparkle landing the most INCREDIBLE PULLS YOU HAVE EVER SEEN! Even Kayle admitted the errors of her way, which was cool. The less of an ego you have in game, the better. In the end, we completely turned them upside down, got a 18 minute baron, spreaded their legs and f***d them till they screamed and it was..... AWESOME!

Needless to say....

Xeronn's Forum Avatar
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Good start Tosh :3

The story thing (Preface) was surprisingly interesting xD
^^ Check out my Gangplank Guide! ^^
+Rep is OP! Special Forces Gangplank!!
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Good start Tosh :3

I am your duo queue partner.

edit: forgot the xD at the end of my second sentence.
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Xeronn wrote:

Good start Tosh :3

Simba wrote:

Good start Tosh :3

^^ Check out my Gangplank Guide! ^^
+Rep is OP! Special Forces Gangplank!!
<MOBAFire Mother>
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Good start Tosh :3

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>.< lol
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Good start Tosh :3


Game 3


Aevok joined the room.
AzNKrN: mid
AzNKrN: plz
Aevok: I'd like to play TOP (can JUNGLE well too - I'm a bruiser guy)
Revion14: adc.
Twílight Sparkle: try and save me blitz? :D
AzNKrN: lol
Aevok: soz
Aevok: i cant control his bans
Twílight Sparkle: I'll forgive you this time
AzNKrN: if only you could
Aevok: **** i wanted to ban kat
AzNKrN: lol
Twílight Sparkle: =[
Díscord: I wanna do the jangle
Díscord: I really like jangling
Twílight Sparkle: nope ur support loLZOL!!!!!
Díscord: or even apeing
Twílight Sparkle: you don't even have to say that you already know im supporting =[
Díscord: or well looks like top's gone
Twílight Sparkle: all roles were called except support and jungle!
Twílight Sparkle: so don't worry
Twílight Sparkle: i had already planned to support
AzNKrN: what a nice fellow twilight
Aevok: inb4 everybody wants to play support in S3 because it's gonna be ****ing cool as ****
Aevok: calling it
Twílight Sparkle: that is probably what will happen
Díscord: Pick pocketting
Twílight Sparkle: i main bot anyway
AzNKrN: new champ
Twílight Sparkle: but yeah
Twílight Sparkle: who you want for support graves?
Revion14: taric/
Díscord: jayce support. I'm calling it now
Twílight Sparkle: okies
Aevok: yeah get taric
Díscord: pop W
AzNKrN: support jarvan
Twílight Sparkle: lol
Twílight Sparkle: i would love to play jarvan
Twílight Sparkle: he's my main
Twílight Sparkle: but
Twílight Sparkle: i'll be boring
Twílight Sparkle: and play taric
AzNKrN: aww
AzNKrN: no 2x kill bot lane then
Twílight Sparkle: i mean
Díscord: =[
Twílight Sparkle: if all you guys say i can play jarvan I gladly will
Twílight Sparkle: but
Twílight Sparkle: it's sort of troooollllll
Díscord: =[ =[ =[ =[ =[ = [=[ = [ =[
Aevok: ****ING GOOD PICK
Díscord: ;_;
Díscord: /);_;(\
Aevok: <333333
Aevok: no
Aevok: no game is won
AzNKrN: :(
Aevok: until their nexus is blown the **** up
Díscord: :'(
Twílight Sparkle: im feeding 5 kills to make it fair
Twílight Sparkle: np
AzNKrN: not true
Aevok: so work hard
AzNKrN: they can surrender
AzNKrN: !
AzNKrN: well
AzNKrN: I guess their nexus explodes
AzNKrN: when they surrender
Díscord: I really hope we don't lose now
Aevok: i prefer to go hard
Díscord: it'll be my fault

My analysis: Every time I make one of these posts, a small, sinking feeling of depression settles in. For starters, I'm spending 10+ minutes writing up a review that will be read by 5 people tops when that time can be used for something like saving the world, ending world hunger and overall, making the world a better place for others to live in. For all you know, me not doing these would result in me becoming an overall better, nicer, kinder person who will become a savior to the people of this wretched modern day society.

....... on second thought, I'm perfectly fine with doing these now.

Anyways, this game..... I got to say, when I have to jungle, I go in demanding the role. However, when roles get chosen by everyone above me, I start to piss my pants when it turns out my 4 party members ended up not going jungle. THE PRESSURE IS ON ME BABY! If a lane ****s up, they're going to blame me. If they do fantastic and I'm the reason for it, I'M NOT GETTING ANY CREDIT! GAH! Jungle is such a disgusting role! It's like the support of everything except instead of an ADC being pissed at you, you'll have 4 auto reports from people who have NO BLOODY CLUE HOW TO PLAY THEIR GODDAM ROLES! ENOUGH CHATTER, LETS KICK THIS PIG! Amumu STYLE!

So the game starts and my team agrees that we're going to invade. Why not? We have stuns and a crying baby so what's the worst that can happen? WELL, for starters, on our way to sneak into their jungle, our idiot takes the wrong way. BAM! ENEMY SPOTTED! Our Graves gets spotted by their team. Great! Our invade is blown...... or is it? The idiots stayed in the bush and our Lux lassos 2 of their teammates. KERPOW A BLAM! We ice three of them knukka's and have them blow EVERY summoner spell on me (I survived). Our only loss was our blonde bimbo Lux, but she was alright with that..... well I mean....

Taric: We got first blood though!
Lux: O....oh..... well,..... peachy! :3

Everything went perfectly for our team. I was able to do blue immediately without smite and jump to red to push me to 4 by 6 minutes, giving me some easy kick *** ganks. I kept every lane locked down except for top lane. Riven was kicking the buns off of that Kayle counter pick so I was able to focus on ganking mid and bot exclusively. Holy **** I landed some sick throws! SERIOUSLY! SHEESH I ROCKED! Everything was going peachy and perfectly for this game.....

Or,.... so I thought.

Riven [ALL]: Hey Kayle. A piece of advice, learn how to play a champion before your attempt a big boy counter pick.

WONDERFUL! Things always go down south once someone flaunts an ego in game. It ALWAYS happens. And sure enough, this Riven gets so cocky that she pretty much sat up top lane the whole first half, over extending and getting killed 2-3 times. She starts *****ing in all chat about "OH MY GOD! LAWL! YOU HAVE TO SEND 3-4 PEOPLE AFTER ME LOL YOU SUCK!". It's no biggie though, the fantastic 4 did amazing with pushing towers in, securing dragon and overall, obliterating the other team.

Then,.... it happened!

I make a big *** play to secure 2 kills by mid turret. I'm about to die and all that's left is our Graves with no health, a turret with 250 hp and a Kayle beating me like Ike did to Tina. Now, I jumped onto Kayle to prevent graves from dying,.... then... Graves headed to ME, didn't get the tower and killed that *****! BOOYAH Graves! SAVED ME LIFE :D

..... then Leona flash ulted me and I died. Poopie. But at least Graves got away. BUT WAIT! THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR OUR Riven!!

Riven: Are you ******ed? You had all that time and you didn't get the tower graves.
Graves: Wha? I was trying to save amumu.
Riven: So you were trying to save the already dead.
Graves: ...
Riven: Yeah, I saw on the loading screen that you were silver. Take my little advice and maybe you'll make it to gold.

AOSIFJOASFJOASIJFOASIJOASJFOJSAOFIJO! GREAT! Either one of two things will happen; A) Graves DC's or B)Riven throws the game. I HAD TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!

Amumu: DON'T WORRY GRAVES! I'm gold ELO and I think you are just peachy! Riven your skin is ****ing ugly, but you choke the enemy team better than a <REDACTED>. SO LETS WIN THIS >:[

THE ENTIRE TEAM'S SPIRIT WAS RISEN! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Riven shut up, and Graves went on to being Graves. We took baron and then.....


3 and 0 right now baby!

...... this post took 30 MINUTES TO WRITE! .......FUDRUCKERS!!!!!!! >:CCCC
jhoijhoi wrote:

Also, I think the levels of immorality in this thread are astounding. You'd really throw a child off a boat for your own luggage? Wow.

<MOBAFire Mother>
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Why play Jax jungle before S3 changes? D: Such a farm dependant champ in the current jungle is always going to fall flat.

But gj on the game! Get to plat, no loses in your placement matches!
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