There's no real "how to" with people because they're people. I mean, sometimes you think you're being cool and nice and you're somehow coming accross as offensive, sometimes you think you're making a fool out of yourself and you're just being adorable.
Above all, be yourself and don't be afraid of what that means (of course if you're a mass murderer you should turn yourself in, but that's an exception). Don't waste your time with people that put you down or make you feel like you're less than them, don't put up with ******** you don't want to put up with. Only sacrifice yourself for people you know would do the same for you.
As for relationships, being yourself is even more important. That, and honesty not only towards the person/people you're with, but also towards yourself. If you keep shoving things you don't like that were done to you under the rug, eventually it'll blow up and be nasty. Don't put up with abuse or belittlement just because you love them.
Finally, keep an open mind. Don't knee-jerk react to things just because that's how you're supposed to act/react to them in X way.
Above all, be yourself and don't be afraid of what that means (of course if you're a mass murderer you should turn yourself in, but that's an exception). Don't waste your time with people that put you down or make you feel like you're less than them, don't put up with ******** you don't want to put up with. Only sacrifice yourself for people you know would do the same for you.
As for relationships, being yourself is even more important. That, and honesty not only towards the person/people you're with, but also towards yourself. If you keep shoving things you don't like that were done to you under the rug, eventually it'll blow up and be nasty. Don't put up with abuse or belittlement just because you love them.
Finally, keep an open mind. Don't knee-jerk react to things just because that's how you're supposed to act/react to them in X way.
Thank you Tsuki for the sig!
Something else I've made through observation and it might seem really counter intuitive:
Be obnoxious. Especially when you get rejected.
The more cocky you act, the better. Although there is a limit before people actually get annoyed.
If you've been saying a lot of stupid **** and the girl says: "Oh my god, shut up!"
You reply as quickly as you can "No, I don't want to. You can't make me." in the most childlike manner you can, whilst maintaining that **** eating grin.
This in its essence is criticism deflection, and it just massively boosts your confidence. Act like you deserve everything. That is not to say that you act like like someone else. Obviously you are going through everything with your own mind. Do not try to mimic someone else's thoughts. But DO try to see yourself as utterly deserving in what ever context you are in.
"Why are you taking so much cake!?"
"Because I want to ****ing eat it!"
*She drops your phone*
"Why the **** did you drop my phone?"
(In this example especially, you do not want to just let her say "Sorry it was an accident, and you follow it up with a glum "It's OK.")
Be obnoxious. Especially when you get rejected.
The more cocky you act, the better. Although there is a limit before people actually get annoyed.
If you've been saying a lot of stupid **** and the girl says: "Oh my god, shut up!"
You reply as quickly as you can "No, I don't want to. You can't make me." in the most childlike manner you can, whilst maintaining that **** eating grin.
This in its essence is criticism deflection, and it just massively boosts your confidence. Act like you deserve everything. That is not to say that you act like like someone else. Obviously you are going through everything with your own mind. Do not try to mimic someone else's thoughts. But DO try to see yourself as utterly deserving in what ever context you are in.
"Why are you taking so much cake!?"
"Because I want to ****ing eat it!"
*She drops your phone*
"Why the **** did you drop my phone?"
(In this example especially, you do not want to just let her say "Sorry it was an accident, and you follow it up with a glum "It's OK.")
"Shut up, or **** off, ideally both, in either order"
Ekki wrote:
Sounds like a terrible advice.
What would it matter though. You got rejected. Might as well laugh it off.
She walks away and you're like: "But I make a **** ton of money"
In your heads it sounds stupid as **** and you just laugh at it. Instead of walking away sad.
"Shut up, or **** off, ideally both, in either order"
As a woman, I'll be honest with you: someone being cocky and obnoxious isn't attractive to me, it's just annoying.
You just have to be yourself. When people say "being obnoxious works" they're just saying "I saw this guy and he was being really obnoxious but he got the gurl anyways". He was probably just being himself and the girl happened to like that. In the end it's easier to be yourself and see if the girl likes it. If she doesn't, then there's not much more to do.
I just want to say that this isn't an exact science. This is based on general observations. You might meet someone who responds in a completely negative manner when you act cocky.
But why would settle like that. What if you meet the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. You would just let that type of thing pass off instead of fighting for it?
It's like saying a boxer shouldn't be keeping his chin down and his fists up because that's not the way he likes to stand while boxing. And if he doesn't win the match because his ****ty stance didn't work, that's just fate and it was meant to happen that way.
You shouldn't let fate control you. People say that "It's not being yourself" but I would wager to say that it is.
In the army you are taught to have deep respect for yourself and others. Your attitude changes and you start seeing the world in a much more grounded manner. Is this not yourself because had you not gone to the army, you would not have become like that? No...
Things like this are meant to expand the mind. If your excuse for not changing yourself for the better is: "But that's not who I really am" then your bound to fail.
Ekki wrote:
You just have to be yourself. When people say "being obnoxious works" they're just saying "I saw this guy and he was being really obnoxious but he got the gurl anyways". He was probably just being himself and the girl happened to like that. In the end it's easier to be yourself and see if the girl likes it. If she doesn't, then there's not much more to do.
But why would settle like that. What if you meet the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. You would just let that type of thing pass off instead of fighting for it?
It's like saying a boxer shouldn't be keeping his chin down and his fists up because that's not the way he likes to stand while boxing. And if he doesn't win the match because his ****ty stance didn't work, that's just fate and it was meant to happen that way.
You shouldn't let fate control you. People say that "It's not being yourself" but I would wager to say that it is.
In the army you are taught to have deep respect for yourself and others. Your attitude changes and you start seeing the world in a much more grounded manner. Is this not yourself because had you not gone to the army, you would not have become like that? No...
Things like this are meant to expand the mind. If your excuse for not changing yourself for the better is: "But that's not who I really am" then your bound to fail.
"Shut up, or **** off, ideally both, in either order"
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Though personally I would say if you want to be a good conversationalist, actually make an effort to listen and expand on what the other person is saying. Even if you aren't really "interested," you can find ways to make it interesting. If someone's telling you about their hobby, ask them questions about how they got into it and what it means to them. Even if you're not interested in the subject, you can be interested in the person.