Vladimir Humor Guide by Logarithm
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I am really sick and tired of all these stupid guides about "AP Talon" or "AP Zed" or "AP Katarina" or "AP Heimerdinger".
What every single one of these guides fail to realize is that Riot is seceretely made up of a group of time-travelling Romans that invented a time machine to get away from the Goths.
This means that AP, or "Ability Power" as it is commonly and erroneously known as, actually stands for "Asinus Putridum", which is the latin word for "Rotten ***". Well, guess what AD stands for?
AD stands for "Avius Duo", which means "Lone Duo", and when converted to a numerical format, literally becomes "1 + 2". If we ad 1 + 2 together, we get 3.
If we also metaphorically, psychologically, astrologically and philosophically take the word "Lone Duo" as a seperated couple, we can assume they are both lost halves of one another, meaning that their lifes are halved in a way as well.
Well, you heard it here folks. What would you rather have a Rotten ***, or would you rather have Half-Life 3? It's your call.
I know I'm probably going to get a lot of downvotes for this, but PLEASE LISTEN
AD Vladimir™ is actually VIABLE. Here's how it works:
Transfusion is on a really short cooldown, so you can constantly proc Trinity Force.
His autoattacks scale well off attack speed, and slightly off
CDR since you can spam Transfusion more, which is an auto-attack reset even more attack speed.
And finally, Crimson Pact gives you a ton of free AP so that you don't even need to buy AP to do damage! Awesome!
Greater Quintessence of Ability Power
Greater Mark of Ability Power
Greater Seal of Armor
Greater Glyph of Magic Resist
Since Vladimir doesn't do lots of Attack Damage until he gets items, don't run any armor penetration runes.
Instead, run flat AP so you can be stronger early game and bully around your enemy laner.
Flat Armor is for in case you're against an AD assassin mid, but otherwise it's still good for mitigating auto-attack harass. Vladimir is prone to this because of his really bright clothing making him an easy target.
You can switch out the Quints for Move Speed quints if you think you can abuse your mobility to bully certain lane opponents, like Windrunner or Anti-Mage (unreleased champions).
Take hybrid penetration in the offensive tree. Taking Frenzy is a MUST.
Anything else is up to you, really.
Boots of Speed and 4 Health Potions. These let you bully around those noobs who dare fight you in mid lane because you have the mobility advantage.
Doran's Ring is good too, but you're AD Vladimir™ and you don't need AP.
Doran's Blade is stupid because Vladimir has no problems and no AD scaling.
Next, you want to rush a Sheen. It synergizes very well off Transfusion, and it's good for harass since it basically doubles your AD for one attack.
Your next item is Berserker's Greaves, because it gives Attack Speed and Vladimir
The first big item is Zephyr. Not only does it give attack speed so you can pull off more sweet autoattacks, BUT the passive that gives you Tenacity is OP. I mean, if you do the math, Tenacity gives you 300 damage since you spend less time stunned and more time autoattacking! Who needs AP when you can go AD?
Next items: Trinity Force, Blade of the Ruined King, and The Bloodthirster.
Trinity Force first, because you can constantly proc it with Transfusion for tons of damage. Also, with the S3 change, it has slightly less cost, so you don't need to stack 1000000 gold before you can buy it.
Blade of the Ruined King next, because you can Ult > Tides of Blood > Transfusion > Sanguine Pool > Tides of Blood > Blade of the Ruined King active for a super trolly instant nuke against noobs building health. The bigger they are, the harder they fall!
The Bloodthirster is last, so your autoattacks will start to hurt a lot!
Spirit of the Elder Lizard - If the other team is stupid and they keep letting you scare their tanks with your hair, then buy this so while they're scared you can shred their armor really really fast :D
Sword of the Occult - Are people still getting away from you?
Tear of the Goddess/ Manamune/ Muramana - If there's a lot of health and armor on the other team, consider buying an early Tear and charging it so that you have a giant amount of AD. Vladimir also charges it quickly because of the short cooldown and mana cost of Transfusion!
Iceborn Gauntlet - I don't like this item, yeah the stats are nice but IMO it's better on tanks and Vladimir has enough chasing power already.
Tiamat/ Ravenous Hydra - These aren't good because they're melee only, but they have lots of hp regen and a cool active ability for more burst.
Augment: Death - You don't really do attack damage but the stats are nice. The ability power per level + 45 AP is really nice, plus your Death Ray is even stronger!!!!
In mid, make sure you're against a champion who
1) Can't gapclose very well,
2) Has a lot of skillshots, or
3) Is controlled by an unskilled summoner (preferably Plastic V or unranked)
Vladimir's main strength is her mobility, so if you're against a Windrunner you can just Sanguine Pool away from her Arrows then counterattack.
If you're against someone with all targetted abilities like Lich, you're ****ed you might as well bend over and ask your jungler to camp.
Which he won't do, because you're AD Vladimir™.
You want to play passively because you aren't that strong early on, but if you see them commit to CS, use Tides of Blood on them and Sanguine Pool away like a little *****.
At level 6/7, your power spikes tremendously because you have obtained your ultimate. If you see them out of position, you want to Hemoplague > Sanguine Pool > Tides of Blood to scare them into a wall, then keep auto-attacking them while trying to avoid their skillshots, and hopefully you force them out of lane via death or them being low on health.
Late game, remember that you're AD Vladimir™ and your only real strength is being annoying with Sanguine Pool. Use Blade of the Ruined King to peel for your ADC, or you can use it to scare priority targets into walls and hopefully you can finish them off with your team.
This is just a quick guide on the unconventional. I'm sorry if I didn't go too in-depth with stuff, but I only had about half an hour :/
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