jhoijhoi's review & discussion service

[quote=OTGBionicArm]There fix'd request. Gahd! y u gotta be so difficult.[/quote]

[quote=XKillerMachineXx][quote=jhoijhoi] [columns] [nextcol width=100][color=#0080ff][b]NAME[/b][/color] -------------------------------- XKillerMachineXx [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#ff8000][b]CHAMPION[/b][/color] -------------------------------- [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/immortal-skarner-336904]Jungle Skarner[/url] [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#0080ff][b]RATING[/b][/color] ------------------------------- [color=#008000]6/10[/color] [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#ff8000][b]DATE[/b][/color] --------------------------- 03/08/13 [/columns] [spoiler=XKillerMachineXx's Jungle Skarner Guide Review] As per your request for a review [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/forum/build-and-guide-discussion/will-review-for-food-i-will-read-your-guide-6053]here[/url] :) [b]CHEAT SHEET[/b] ----------------------- + I'd recommend deleting your other cheat sheets and consolidating the information into one. + "EARLYGAME" is two words. + Broken image - Runic Bulwark + Your NOTES are terrible. You can't wikicode inside notes. + Your "CORE" build is all out of order, looks really unprofessional. + I seriously dislike the "SITUATIONAL PURCHASES" item selection. Separate these items into categories, like "defense" or "against AP". The way it is now, just looks like you've just tagged every item for a jungler with AP ratios :/ + I don't play Skarner, but a healing ability ([[fracture]]) in the jungle makes a lot of sense - not grabbing it at all until level 13 makes no sense. [b]GUIDE[/b] -------------------- + Your introduction is fine, but you could move the signature sized banner above the text, *inside* the columns for a neat and orderly look. + I understand English isn't your nature language. Try reading aloud. "Skarner is an actually very fun to play champion" should be "Skarner is actually a very fun champion to play". + Coding template error on my part, but add a column between the summary and the explanation in the pros/cons section. + "fastest runner"? I think I'll stop mentioning weird uses of English. I recommend asking for a beta reader. + The copy+paste sections of Skarner's abilities should be in a different colour or italicised so the reader knows that reading it is useless. + Never say "no tips"; if you have nothing to say about an ability, or an item, or whatever, just don't say anything. + I like the screenshots of Skarner's abilities. + I feel like your synergies chapter is based off of one game. It seems sort of useless. + Are you sure you spell-checked this guide? "Rupture stopps you"? I'm finding HEAPS of spelling errors. One of the conditions of my reviewing is that you MUST spell check your guide before asking for a review. I am not a spell checker. I should not have to struggle to read your guide due to spelling errors. "so you can strick to some tips", really. + I don't like your AP Items section. + Route: Smiteless Blue Buff and then straight to Red Buff is an absolutely amazing route. Stopping to jungle the small camps leaves your second buff open to counter-jungling. + "Route(lvl16) - this is terrible and should be deleted. + "Timers" - what do you mean? You need to explain chapters like this in great detail, as they ARE very important. + I like your ganking graphics and accompanying text. + I loved your analysis of Smite except the advice not to use Smite on any other minions besides objectives. That's not correct. If you KNOW an objective is coming up, save Smite. Otherwise use Smite as much as possible, especially with the Mastery upgrade for cash-on-Smite. + Love your warding section and the summary at the end of it :) + "System Specifics" - this should be Spoilered, as the chapter doesn't really fit your guide at all. + lol at that Kog'Maw blue buff steal :P + "efford", really??? D: + All of your "To Do" list is centred. You should spoiler it all, as it's not interesting/relevant to the reader anyway. [b]READABILITY (1.5/3)[/b] ---------------------- + So let's cover the positives first. You seem to have a good grasp of BBCoding and you've using that advantageously with solid coding techniques. Your graphic artist has done a nice job on the banners, which separate the chapters well. I enjoyed your visual aides, such as the ones for Skarner's abilities, the jungle and ganking routes. All these are great! Now for the bad things. I know English isn't your native language; it really shows. You have typos, grammatical errors and spelling mistakes everywhere. Your written work starts off relatively okay, but declines in quality the further you get through reading the guide. Sometimes what you've written doesn't make much sense initially, and I'm forced to really think about what you've meant. Your chapters flow well sometimes, but I feel like some chapters are out of place, or can be merged together. You can improve your score here by leaps and bounds by actually running the guide through a spell check, like you claimed you did. [b]CONTENT (2/3)[/b] ----------------------- + There is actually a lot to like about your guide. I was surprised with the jungle knowledge in this guide, and I specifically enjoyed reading your different strategies and techniques in the jungle for ganking and securing buffs. What I didn't like were the ability, item, runes, masteries and synergies sections. I felt like the content was severely lacking in these chapters. I personally would remove the synergies chapter all together. The other chapters need more depth. You explain that xx rune gives xx - WHY is that good for Skarner? You mention that xx item gives xx stat - HOW does this item benefit Skarner? You say xx active of xx item is great - WHEN do you use this active and why? You need to extrapolate on all this knowledge and deliver us some content that is invaluable. [b]VIABILITY (2.5/4)[/b] ------------------------ I question some of your item choices. Atma's is awful. Thornmail is highly situational. Warmog's is costly for a jungler. Do you really need Elder Lizard? Why don't you grab an early level of [[fracture]]? Again, I don't play Skarner, but these questions/points are intuitive. You need to rework the cheat sheet - for example, have a look at [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/wanderlust-warwick-132336]my Warwick cheat sheet.[/url] I break down the item choices into an easy build path; readers don't have to make many decisions. [b]TOTAL = 6/10[/b] ------------------------ What I really like about the guide is your jungling chapters which are full of knowledge. What I dislike is pretty much everything else. I can tell you're a dedicated author and that you are willing to improve. If you focus on the following things, I guarantee your guide will be better: 1) Fix your cheat sheet to be far more comprehensible and remove objects that don't make sense (Atma's). 2) Read it to an English speaking friend. Fix up the stilted language, grammatical and spelling errors and your paragraphs. 3) Remove chapters of your guide that are useless (synergies) and work on merging chapters that can go together. 4) Expand on the information you currently have. Your guide is [url=http://www.javascriptkit.com/script/script2/countwords.shtml]4300 words[/url] long. And at least 1000 of it is useless due to poor wording. Consider printing off the text in your guide and using a red pen to cross out anything that doesn't make sense without pictures. You'll soon see that a lot of your descriptions need more explanation. Pictures are great - but pictures aren't great if they just "fluff" up your guide and don't really do anything. As always, I'll upvote when you reply to my review, and I hope this review helps you out! - jhoijhoi <3[/spoiler] [/quote] Hi jhoijhoi, thanks for the review. I will try to use these tips and make the guide better. I guess my english sucks :P. I'll try to find someone english speaking to check for further improvements. I will work on the guide as soon if I have time again! One more question: If I'm done with these, may I ask you to check the guide again? :)[/quote]

[quote=jhoijhoi][b]Machine:[/b] Indeed you may! I'm always happy to rereview an author's work. Just the fact that you're willing to take constructive criticism and come back for more is a neon-glowing sign indicating your dedication to your MobaFire guide and helping out new LoL players. [b]OTG:[/b] <3 You're next ^^ [columns] [nextcol width=100][color=#0080ff][b]NAME[/b][/color] -------------------------------- MissMaw [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#ff8000][b]CHAMPION[/b][/color] -------------------------------- [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/youll-be-blown-away-284297]SR Support Janna[/url] [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#0080ff][b]RATING[/b][/color] ------------------------------- [color=#008000]8/10[/color] [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#ff8000][b]DATE[/b][/color] --------------------------- 03/08/13 [/columns] [spoiler=MissMaw's Support Janna Guide Review] As per your request for a review [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/forum/build-and-guide-discussion/will-review-for-food-i-will-read-your-guide-6053]here[/url] :) [b]CHEAT SHEET[/b] ----------------------- + Explorer's Ward and Busciut are items in the builder; as your PO says "SPAWN", it should be included. + I'm looking at the exessive potions. I really think you should add a note here explaining why, or at least listing Faerie Charm as an alternative to so many pots and wards. + Locket no longer builds out of Kindlegem. You should probably replace that with Emblem. EDIT: Apparently you build it early for the CDR. You have a LOT of unfinished items in your inventory and a LOT of mana regen. + I'd add a "end game build", seeing as you have space. + Personally I grab W at level 3 for early ganks. [b]GUIDE[/b] -------------------- + Your personalised writing style is kinda offensive D: Later on it gets sarcastic and actually turns me off reading :/ Sometimes your word choices make you seem uncaring about the reader and the guide. Sort of unprofessional. A little wishy-washy too, with statements that make me feel as if you don't know what you're talking about. + You have some random grammatical errors, like incorrect capitalisation, or no capitalisation where there should be. + I'm surprised you don't explain Pickpoket at all. + Your Flash explanation is confusing. + "you can take it if you're ADC goes for" + "and it helps with last hitting. W" + "protect your team from damage over time abilities" > I think my understanding of "DoT" is different from yours. + Alternative start explanation is confusing. + You've got a leak of colour in your Mid Game section. + The first paragraph of your gameplay section is virtually empty of useful content. + "Even if you fail at stopping those, you have your ult and everything" > because I'm level 3, reading a MobaFire guide, and I know exactly what you mean. + "Janna has synergy with every ADC", "she works great with any carry", "Generally, ADCs ... work best with Janna and that's already almost every AD" - really repetitive. + "than waiting for your junlger" + When talking about summoner spells, it'd be great for you to wiki code them to break up the monotony of the text. + "(opt)" ? + I didn't read your synergy chapter, because if it wasn't worth updating and if Janna synergies with everyone, why do I need to read it? + "Hope it was helpful and thanks for reading! Thanks for reading !" + Change Log looks weird o.o [b]READABILITY (2.5/3)[/b] ---------------------- + You miss out on full marks due to lazy writing and random spelling/grammatical errors. Your aesthetics are amazing; reading your guide is easy on the eyes and an overall pleasant experiece if you learn to ignore the sarcasm. [b]CONTENT (2/3)[/b] ----------------------- + This surprised me. As this is a scouted guide, I expected amazing tactical game-play discussion, analysis on the best items for support Janna, and in-depth explanation of everything for full comprehension. Sometimes I felt as if I was reading a guide written by someone who just didn't care, and sometimes I read something and thought it was great. But the majority of your content is "do this (duh)". Don't do that. You wrote this guide to HELP people. Don't make them feel stupid, don't belittle their learning process. And just because they're new, doesn't mean they can't learn about advanced ideas. For example, you mention Oracle's twice, but never explain what they do. Such an integral part of supporting is clearing wards to deny enemy vision - this is not even covered in your guide (not even joking, or exaggerating. You do NOT mention ward clearing and the dangers of doing so, or baiting the enemy to ward clear, or how to prep baron/dragon via ward clearing, AT ALL). My mind is full of wut right now. Half of your gameplay section is useful, the other half is mindless dribble. However, the things you DO do right, are great, like your compact and concise ability explanations. [b]VIABILITY (3.5/4)[/b] ------------------------ + "If you're wealthy enough, you can get some AP for yourself.. you can get pretty much whatever you want." You summed up Janna and every other champion with AP abilities! Seriously though, in terms of viability, the only flaw I could find was in the cheat sheet (though I'm not sure if that's a flaw, I only know I don't build so many unfinished items and waste items slots, myself). You explained the use of every mentioned item correctly in as little words as possible, so completely right there. I don't like Gold Quints, as I prefer Movement Speed on my supports, but Janna's passive makes up for that, so that's fine too (and runes are personal opinion anyway). Masteries are fine, I don't level up CDR, but absolutely understand why you would with Janna. [b]TOTAL = 8/10[/b] ------------------------ + Your guide looks perfect without reading it. Reading it made me sit back and shake my head. Maybe when you reworked the guide, a lot of useful content was lost, otherwise why is it featured? Obviously you have experience with Janna, that's undeniable. But I think you need to take a step back from your guide and read it as if you were a new player. Stuff like "always try to keep your carry in your E range" is hella useful information. Stuff like "even if you fail at stopping those, you have your ult and everything so laning versus them shouldn't be difficult" is hella useless the way it's written. Reworded to "[[Monsoon]] with the addition of [[exhaust]] should be able to stop an attempted engage" - not a great rewording, but you get the gist of what I mean. Hope this review was useful! I do hope that you'll be able to change some aspects of your guide for the benefit of MobaFire readers. - jhoijhoi [/spoiler][/quote]

[quote=jhoijhoi][columns] [nextcol width=100][color=#0080ff][b]NAME[/b][/color] -------------------------------- OTGBionicArm [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#ff8000][b]CHAMPION[/b][/color] -------------------------------- [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/taric-complete-guide-to-outrageous-secret-powers-338320]SR Support Taric[/url] [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#0080ff][b]RATING[/b][/color] ------------------------------- [color=#008000]8.5/10[/color] [nextcol width=30] [nextcol width=100][color=#ff8000][b]DATE[/b][/color] --------------------------- 03/08/13 [/columns] [spoiler=OTGBionicArm's Support Taric Guide Review] As per your request for a review [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/forum/build-and-guide-discussion/will-review-for-food-i-will-read-your-guide-6053]here[/url] :) [b]CHEAT SHEET[/b] ----------------------- + Nitpick, but I'd put the Utility Tree Items at the very beginning. + Typo in Early Game note. + Late Game note mentions Runic Bulwark. + I'm wondering why Merc's aren't an option. + Alacrity Enchantment seems like a waste to me. + I'd only have one example build and break up the possible choices into categories, such as "against AD", "against AP". + Not sure why Oracle's is at the bottom, or why the optional early game items are there too. I know it's annoying that POs can't be swapped around, but just put it in order the way it should be. At the moment it looks like Oracle's is not important. + Personally I get Imbue second for just in case reasons. + I really like your masteries, and will try them when I next run Taric. [b]GUIDE[/b] -------------------- + There's an extra enter space under "Quick Quide" menu, throwing the contents out of place. Also, headings look odd, as they are centred and the following subheadings are not. + Mid Game items aren't centred. + I have no idea what you mean by "hybrid support". + Heeeeeyaaaaaa yaaaa yaaa ya heeeeey ya ya I said heyyyyy, what's goin' onnnnnn (I'm legit listening to it as I review) + "Taric is good against" should be enemy supports. + Your explanation of Ignite is worded awkwardly, as Ignite is not meant to secure kills, which generally means kill stealing. + Absolutely useless and worthless Skillset section. At least write it in your own words so you're not copy+pasting. + Not knowing how to manage gold is not a problem for support players. That's not why you get gold quints. + "The first, and my preferred way, is to max Q." - what? + "Let's go over some items that are arguably the best you can buy for Thresh as well as a few interesting picks." - dat copypasta. + Early game - still buy a Kindlegem, despite no upgrade into Locket? + Bulwark in your Late Game section. + "Mikael's Crucible is a very obscure item to me, but, it's active is very, VERY powerful in conjunction with Imbue to save an ally's life. get it when your carry is in threat of hard CC." - What do you mean by obscure? =.= Also, typo. + "Fight to the death if you have to, but do not run and leave your carry to fend for themselves." - Technically not true. One death on your team is better than two deaths and however many assists the enemy team gets. [b]READABILITY (2.5/3)[/b] ---------------------- + lol, you already know how I feel about the formatting. Contrary to your belief, it is actually hard to follow a guide when there is information all over the place ^^ However, your writing is meticulous and well-written. I love how you patiently explain everything in concise but good detail. You never linger on something as to make it boring, and I honestly want to read more. There's not much to say here, I really enjoyed reading the guide (besides Nick's coding) and it is somewhat aesthetically appealing. You lose marks for the formatting of course, otherwise it'd be a 3/3. [b]CONTENT (2.5/3)[/b] ----------------------- + Finally! A guide that explains the champion's role, how to play the champion in all stages of the game (including what items to buy and why) and everything else I've been looking for. You can improve the guide greatly by frikken deleting or rewriting that useless abilities section; if I wanted to read the database, I'd go read the database =.= You could also add some video game-play to supplement your claims about combos. You write about First Blood via [[flash]] + [[dazzle]] - I did that the other day, but don't think I have a video :( Also, probs should get rid of that Thresh comment 8D I also didn't like the explanation for the gold gen runes. [b]VIABILITY (3.5/4)[/b] ------------------------ + Well of course it's viable. Build makes complete sense and the guide reflects how I play/build Taric (except masteries, but yours are much better, I must admit). But the cheat sheet POs are all over the place and can be broken down into a far more intuitive setting. You have Bulwark in here, which no longer exists. Personally, I run Move Speed Quints on my melee supports, but since Taric scales with armour, I can see why you may forgo MS. Oh, why no mention of Merc's, by the way? [b]TOTAL = 8.5/10[/b] ------------------------ + Huh. I honestly thought that'd be 9/10. Well, you get a scout point for sure if you work on those small things, pretty much all nit-picks. Best guide I've read in a while, and I found myself agreeing with pretty much everything you wrote. My only other suggestion is to talk about different champions for each scenario. Mentioning Lulu and Sona again and again was repetitive and boring. Looking forward to the changes (if you make them) and handing out my first Scout Point in a while ^^ - jhoi <3[/spoiler][/quote]

[quote=DarkPercy]Holy Shit Jhoi lol those mega reviews ''I'm just informing you that active MobaFire members have a strong view of "viability", and they will downvote for anything out of the ordinary. So tldr; either have the statistics there to prove viability, or use an actually viable build.'' Challenge accepted? AP Xin and AP Udyr guide here they come. so sad you left for ocea t~t[/quote]

[quote=jhoijhoi]Percy: I haven't left yet! ^^ I come back online every two or so weeks to play a ranked game. I'm going to move my main account to Oceania at the beginning of the next season :) With regards to reviews, I just had a quick squiz at the early stages of this thread. Wow. There is a LOT of content here :P @Everyone: If I review your work, I really would appreciate a little feedback about my review. Like, was it in-depth enough, was it what you were looking for when you asked for a review, did my points make sense? etc etc ^^ STATUS: Currently no requests; waiting for the next guide to review![/quote]

[quote=GrandmasterD]GrandmasterD [url=www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/grandmistressds-viktor-with-utmost-efficiency-287307]Viktor Guide[/url] Obviously read your guide and yup did a spell check.[/quote]

[quote=DarkPercy]DarkPercy [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/in-me-wuju-lives-on-new-yi-213739]My updated Yi guide for the rework :3[/url] r u srs, I read that thing 3 years ago. pls. Spell check done :3. :( so many friends just disappearing from my buddy list QQ.[/quote]

[quote=XKillerMachineXx]Hi again :) I kind of reworked my guide. You wanted some feedback for your review - you get one of me :) [spoiler] + Broken image - Runic Bulwark - Not a broken image - just my broken heart :( RIP RB + Your NOTES are terrible. You can't wikicode inside notes. - no comment :P But why are they terrible? I just used coding 1 time (and that in abilities, no one reads them :)) + I don't play Skarner, but a healing ability ( Fracture) in the jungle makes a lot of sense - not grabbing it at all until level 13 makes no sense. Most People think this but let's have a closer look to this ability: 50 mana 10 seconds cd 80 damage 30 heal per hit - every heal reduced by 50% so: in the best case, you can hit 4 enemies with it (wraiths) 1st heal: 30 2nd : 15 3rd : 7,5 4th : 3,25 all together: 55,75 (56) So in the best case you can heal yourself for 56 - which is not very much. Thanks for the information, that you don't undertand it. I'll add this calculation to my guide! + Are you sure you spell-checked this guide? "Rupture stopps you"? I'm finding HEAPS of spelling errors. One of the conditions of my reviewing is that you MUST spell check your guide before asking for a review. I am not a spell checker. I should not have to struggle to read your guide due to spelling errors. "so you can strick to some tips", really. I really spell-checked this but sometimes I think it is right and word shows it wrong.. I guess my english can really need some... improvement :) + I don't like your AP Items section. This is a fun build and not really viable in the jungle. I'll write it in the guide + Route: Smiteless Blue Buff and then straight to Red Buff is an absolutely amazing route. Stopping to jungle the small camps leaves your second buff open to counter-jungling. -Yeah, you're right but I wanted to write it a little bit more "noob friendly" where red buff at level 3 is much safer :). I changed this one + "Route(lvl16) - this is terrible and should be deleted. - you're right^^ + "Timers" - what do you mean? You need to explain chapters like this in great detail, as they ARE very important. - I wrote something to them now but I'm not sure what I can explain here. For me the picture is pretty intuitive :/ I'm not sure which information lacks in the abilities section +So let's cover the positives first. You seem to have a good grasp of BBCoding and you've using that advantageously with solid coding techniques. Your graphic artist has done a nice job on the banners, which separate the chapters well. I enjoyed your visual aides, such as the ones for Skarner's abilities, the jungle and ganking routes. All these are great! Now for the bad things. I know English isn't your native language; it really shows. You have typos, grammatical errors and spelling mistakes everywhere. Your written work starts off relatively okay, but declines in quality the further you get through reading the guide. Sometimes what you've written doesn't make much sense initially, and I'm forced to really think about what you've meant. Your chapters flow well sometimes, but I feel like some chapters are out of place, or can be merged together. You can improve your score here by leaps and bounds by actually running the guide through a spell check, like you claimed you did. This is pretty hard for me to do. Spell checked again - found some mistakes. + There is actually a lot to like about your guide. I was surprised with the jungle knowledge in this guide, and I specifically enjoyed reading your different strategies and techniques in the jungle for ganking and securing buffs. What I didn't like were the ability, item, runes, masteries and synergies sections. I felt like the content was severely lacking in these chapters. I personally would remove the synergies chapter all together. The other chapters need more depth. You explain that xx rune gives xx - WHY is that good for Skarner? You mention that xx item gives xx stat - HOW does this item benefit Skarner? You say xx active of xx item is great - WHEN do you use this active and why? You need to extrapolate on all this knowledge and deliver us some content that is invaluable. Can you please tell me what you dislike about my abilities section? I can't find anything I would add there. Rest is explained now. I question some of your item choices. Atma's is awful. Thornmail is highly situational. Warmog's is costly for a jungler. Do you really need Elder Lizard? Why don't you grab an early level of Fracture? Again, I don't play Skarner, but these questions/points are intuitive. You need to rework the cheat sheet - for example, have a look at my Warwick cheat sheet. I break down the item choices into an easy build path; readers don't have to make many decisions. Atma's is my favourite item :P. (I have some 5*warmogs + atma mundo background ;)) but I realize that it isn't viable anymore since the nerf. I removed it and some other Items too. Why I didn't graba an early fracture is now explained. Cheatsheet is changed now. [/spoiler][/quote]

[quote=GargoPat]Gargopat Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/trolling-101-jungling-as-trundle-271182 Have I read your guide for making a guide? Read it this morning. Spell Check? Yeppers[/quote]