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Creator: Totallynotn00b June 28, 2012 2:30am
H4xDefender
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Your name H4xDefender
Link to your guide : http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/competitive-solo-top-jungle-jax-206488
Any specific points that I should look at?: Nope
Why should i review your guide?: Its a strong jax build.
Why do you want your guide reviewed? : I want to improve my guide.
SkullzX
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^ he said one at a time :P I ALREADY ASKED GTHO!
Totallynotn00b
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RAGE LEVEL: Relatively minor

Your biggest issue is without a doubt the one you stated - grammer and spelling. Short of going through it and correcting it for you, i can't help you with this.


In addition, a glaring hole:



You have a pretty up-to-scratch items section.
Why don't you have a skills section to match?
You have one of skill order, yet none of skill explanation.


More problems:

WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?!?



No section on fighting. How do you lane? How do you harass?
Teamfights? Targets? Role?


Other issues:



As stated, before, sin3: Writing opinion without backing it up is baad.

The good thing? For the most part, you give your reasoning. Good.
But there are some critical parts where you don't: Most notably, skilling order.
Ki Burst first for an early jungler gank makes sense and is logical.
The rest... not so clear to me.

Basically, I don't get your fascination with Ki Burst. It doesn't exactly give a longer stun duration, the only benefit i see is a lower CDR... And since you don't exactly explain why you like this so much, I'm here scratching my head. I'm sure others would too.
I.e: Vs heavy poke. wouldn't you want more shield from Valor, if at all?



hmm.
Other issues?

Wall-o-texty in places. Your champion match ups section is pretty criminal in this regard.
ie: Need more paragraphs, and I think you would be better off with the icons, just to break the text up.


Nit-picking.
1-10, yet you skipped over some numbers.



Conclusions: It's...ok :

Parts of it were Good..
Good detail on items, summoners, and match ups.

Unfortunately, as stated there are still some pretty big holes in it that would prevent it from being a top guide.
In addition, spelling and grammer, and in some cases substituting in the ability images would go a great way to break up the text.

Results: No vote. But this is easily rectified.
SkullzX
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Ok thanks a lot, i'm glad to hear you weren't very angry :) I will go back and explain why I like Ki Burst. I think you must of missed something though because I do mention verse heavy poke take a few more early points into sheild(this comes up a few times). I mention a bit of fighting in the COMBO section but, it doesn't talk about everything you mention that being said I do mention in team fights that you should go for the AD/AP carrys and disrupt them I guess I have to make this more clear since I think it only comes up like 2-3 times and is kinda vag now that I think of it! Well I will make all these changes then come talk to you again :) thanks!

Edit: currently adding a section about what a bruiser does in a team fight, how to team fight and why you don't initate. After that im going to go over and talk about ki burst more in depth and how you use it for harrase.
Totallynotn00b
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Yes you have some stuff in combos, but since fighting/team fighting is a pretty major part of the game, don't you feel it should have / needs/ deserves a section to itself?
SkullzX
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I am currently adding that section :). So far I talk about how to disrupt the enemy AD/AP carrys, how to deal with assassins and how to peel people off your team! I will re apply for a new review once I add this section and another touching on skills then I will look towards re explaining some stuff. I can probably finsh this by the end of today or tomorrow mid day, just a heads up :)

Edit: finshed 2 more sections, working on making it look nice now :) Also SCREW YOUR NIT PICK I DID THAT ON PURPOSE :P. what did you mean by up to scratch? I really have no idea what that ment thought i was a complament 0__0.
albableat
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Pimboy:

RAGE LEVEL: HIGH

God. Dammit. I don't like being mean, I don't like dressing people down either. But ********, I'll be blunt. Have you even bothered?

Let's start with the basics. If you had seen the better guides on this website you would have known a thing or two about presentation and what's needed in a good guide.

Your honour, I present to the court: Exhibit A.


You haven't bothered to put it through a spell checker.



Let's not even talk grammar. Simply reading the first few sentences and seeing: "I will tell you everything how to dominate toplane" made me already go "Oh... this is going to be great..."

So, running through the "masteries" section as an example.
First, we have random capitalisations dotted around the place.
Second, spelling. "tankyness, tanky ness". Come on. how are they both going to be right?
Third, abbreviations. I don't know about the deterioration of language in general, but having to read "u" everywhere drives me insane. And since I've read around the other review shops who spell this out as an example of what they would find in a bad guide, I know I'm not alone.

You want further areas where spelling is atrocious? Champion matchups. Errors everywhere.

You know. Basic courtesy to the person who you want to read it. Make it readable.


In all honesty, I was tempted to give up already. But since the duty of professionalism calls, I continued. Um. Holy ****. Cardinal sin no2.

You're writing ****



The whole point of writing a guide is to give information to people. That's the fundamental principle of it. As an extension, it's meant to be right .

Again, under masteries:

"Vigor" "More health regen adds extra sustain. You now heal faster when out of combat. "

What? Suddenly a mastery is a Garen passive? What part of it says you have to be out of combat?

Further errors:

"Leblanc: She creates a clone every 60 seconds her health is under 30%".

ARRGGHHH. Ok, let's ignore the blatant error that is what the sentence actually says if you were to take it literally.
For one, it's 40%.
For two, are you really telling me the only threat to wukong is her passive? Because that's all you've written about her in it.

Absolutely should be shot for errors:

Decoy: "5 Use it to check bushes, u are invinceble so this should go easy."


WHAT?!?!?



Cardinal sin no3.

You're writing opinion



Let's get this straight. writing opinion isn't bad in itself. Writing opinion without backing it up will land you in deep water in so many situations it isn't even funny. Ref: Real life.

I submit the following to the court:

Kennen: " Watch out for his overpowerd ulti that will stun you instantly."

A) ref to cardinal sin 2. It's not instant.
B) Why is it overpowered? Since we've already debunked the following part, I have no other recourse left to me but to suggest you lack experience, as is the case with most people who cry "OP!"

I further add the following:

Fiddlesticks: "You can't kill him since his drain is over powerd and you don't have any silence"

A) Ref sin2. Yep. you don't have a silence. But that;s not the only way of interrupting his drain.
B) So... it's OP because you don't have a silence? Assume someone uses your guide and sees this. WHat does it do then? .

You have parts in this guide that are totally irrelevant



Leona: "Try a skin with sunglasses if fighting against her".

Seriously? -1 damage. WOOOO. Oh wait. Wukong has a skin with sun glasses now? Where? What? I dont even.






Okokokokok. I took a chill pill and I'll point out other things i didn't like either:

1) Poor Formatting.

In general, it's just too cramped. I.e: "facing enemys".

I'm ignoring the spelling error. This looks like text, balanced with more text. For the best example of what i'm on about, look from fiddle->fiora->fizz. It's almost like a whole block of text.

You have a habit of describing what they do, which is fine, but not spelling out "what" they do. I.e, Alistar: "Try to harras him when he used his ground smash"

. I mean, anyone with knowledge will know you mean Pulverize, but if you assume from the get go from writing a guide that people know everything, then why the heck is there any point in writing a guide?

2) Lack of information

You've got a build. Ok. You've got runes. Ok. You've got masteries. Ok.
And the rest of it? Laning? Team fights?

3) Inflexible build.

THere's nothing there to suggest alternatives. Would you really build Mercury's Treads vs Fiora, or any of the normal solo-top champions?
You've got no discussion of said items in context of the situation. Would you really build Warmog's Armor, for instance, if you were totally destroying the lane instead of a Trinity Force? I doubt it.
You have no discussion of why you don't get other items. Thing's like Randuin's Omen stick out to me as items which should be discussed.

3.5) Build is sub-optimal.

In my opinion,
Warmog's Armor-> Trinity Force-> Atma's Impaler takes too long to do damage, and is highly expensive.
It's normally Warmog's Armor-> Atma's Impaler, then more tanky items.


4) No actual clear role.

This ties with 2. The title of the guide is "the anti-tank". Um... Ok. Let's run with this for a moment. There's actually nothing in this guide what so ever that would help explain either what this role is, when to adopt it, and indeed how to do it.

My honest opinion is that bruisers in general don't go around beating up tanks. In fact, I think no one's meant to deliberately go around beating up tanks. You're meant to be harassing their squishies... But maybe i'm wrong. Assume that for a moment. Ignore this paragraph, but at least take on board what I wrote in the previous one.



And on bits i simply don't get:

I wanted to write that you lack experience, not only in writing guides, but to playing in general. (Read: Cardinal sin2). But in other instances, you show that you know stuff: Leesin's E countering your decoy. How to mess around with people with Decoy. Ergo, I'm not going to be as all-out harsh as I might have been.



Conclusions:



It's "£~@&$!.

You have a LOT of work to do.
I spelt it out in my first post. Come to me, expect to be savaged.
I have detailed quite a few of the flaws in your guide to an extent I doubt others would have the patience to. I suggest you use it constructively.
-1.
I'll look again in a week to see if anything has changed. If you wish to appeal, you may do so.


The prosecution rests, your Honour.




Damn lol

Can I make a really bad guide just to get some elite rage? :D
Want to see an in-depth diamond level LeBlanc guide? Come by and check this ;) It's written by Baekstra who is a Diamond LeBlanc main on EUW and being one myself, I can vouch for it 100%!
Totallynotn00b
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What's "elite" rage ^^?
SkullzX
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albableat wrote:


Damn lol

Can I make a really bad guide just to get some elite rage? :D

I would be willing to create this guide with you! I think a jungle ap blitz would work well, we can mention all the EPIOX GANEKSS HE CAN DO! Also mention how getting archangel, manamun and frozen heart make you un killable!
BluAnimal
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Your name (Prefered way of addressing you, within reason.): Matt
Link to your guide : Here
Any specific points that I should look at?: Items and jungling mostly. I think the rest is pretty solid.
Why should i review your guide?: I've spent a lot of time and effort making it, receiving and putting feedback to use and keeping the guide updated.
Why do you want your guide reviewed?
Because I'm soooooo close to being #3 :D
Because I feel that I've put the time and effort into making a decent guide and I think that it shows. :3
Thanks.

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