jhoijhoi's review & discussion service

[quote=Aharan][quote=jhoijhoi] [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/corki-insert-creative-name-here-90103#lastcomment]Aharan's Corki Guide[/url] [color=#ff0000]Verdict:[/color] A bare-bones Corki guide that tries too hard to cater for too many different builds, thus it doesn't focus on any build with enough depth. [color=#008000]Possible Improvements:[/color] The organisation needs to be tidied up, as does the coding and formatting. The guide is screaming for colour. Some sections just seemed like waffle and didn't seem necessary. The guide/build isn't bad, but it isn't great (though admittedly it is better than some of the Pro guides out there). It seems like the author could try a little bit harder with his guide to make it 100x better :) Constructive Criticism: 1) I say this to all people who present more than one actual "Champ Builds". Don't. Display the build you use 90% of the time, and list the other items as Situational Items. 2) Now that Phosphorus Bomb doesn't blind, I imagine you're not going to be levelling that up first anymore, right? 4) Your AD build (the only cheat sheet I'll be looking at) Purchase order is weird. Would you really buy a [[long sword]] before [[tear of the goddess]]? 5) 0/21/9 is not something I'm used to seeing on AD carries. 6) Good Hands > Perseverance, especially as you'll be getting [[tear of the goddess]] asap. 7) Don't Bold Font whole paragraphs. Trying to read that intro gave me a headache. And you've clearly not read over it again, because there are small errors like, "The date falls me". lol. 8) Pre-game stuff THEN In-game stuff: Welcome to the World of Corki™ Pros / Cons Runes Masteries Skills and their Sequences Summoner Spells Core Items AD/Manamune and AD/Trinity Force other items. AP other items Laning 101 Summary Change Logs. 9) I'd suggest something like this: Section x: AD Build Section x+1: Sheen AD Section (x+1)+1: AP Build And in each section state the builds and the items you'd get in them. This would: 1. Remove the unnecessary section "Core Items" 2. Be more comprehensive 3. Look neater. 10) You clearly know how to use and implement icons, which makes me wonder why you don't... 11) "Corki, the Daring Bombardier" - Not sure why you keep copy/pasting this everywhere... 12) I forgot to comment on your Summoners - even though Corki has an in-built escape, that doesn't mean [[flash]] isn't a good idea. 13) :/ You try to be funny in your guide, but it just comes off as a bit silly ("DID YOU GUESS CORRECTLY?" - this really isn't necessary). I feel your guide would be a lot lighter and more comprehensive if you focused on one build and just listed alternatives. Alternative Runes. Alternative Masteries. Alternative Items. No need to state every single way the champion can be played. If I want an AP Corki guide, I would rather read a guide purely devoted to an AP Corki. If I wanted to read about AD Corki - I'd read a guide completely devoted to AD Corki. I feel as if in you're guide you're trying to cater for every aspect of Corki, when you should just be focusing on the build you play 90% of the time. 14) [[Hextech Shrapnel Shells]] is not turning up in your guide. 15) No need to copy and paste from the database. Just list what you know/explain the abilities in your own words. Adding colour and definitions to your guide would be beneficial as well. Everything da_Neo said about the Garen guide applies to you as well. If you have not yet read my guide about writing a guide, as I explicitly expressed before you request a review, I ask you to read it now. It's in my signature and on the first post of this thread. 16) Please use Headings sparingly. You spam them everywhere, taking away what our eyes should be focusing on. Also, center all videos and images. If that was harsh, it's because I'm tired and am sick and the two make me a mean lady. [/quote] Thanks for the criticism, I appreciate it. I hope to make a great Corki build, tis' just time. That and I'm also working a TF build, (though I'll sideline that after what I've read here.) 1. I'll probably remove the AP build (I don't find it competitive and easily countered, not built fast enough), and move the Sheen/Trinity Force build to a mention. 2. I don't know yet. I've yet to patch the game, and figure out if Gatling Gun is the way of the future. The Damage reduction is only by ten, and Gatling Gun suffers early game because with AD Manamune, you don't have much damage to begin with. 3. I notice no 3. 4. Woops! My brain was racked at the time I remade this. Fixed immediately. 5. I find Corki way too squishy, and unlike other carries, I want to build my core items straight away, so I don't get anything like a Doran's Blade right away. 6. Hehe, again, racked brain. Fixed to Good Hands. (I read that forum post. Good Hands > Perseverance x100). 7. Ok, I'll get around to removing those font in enlargements. 8. I'll re-arrange the chapters to lead more naturally. 9. I didn't think about that. Give each build it's own section. I'll get around to fixing that. 10. I'm still trying to memorize the coding process here, I'll add more icons over time. 11. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrm.... 12. I don't disregard it, I mention that it's being removed, and say Double Flash. I would be repeating the same uses for Ghost, and I don't like that idea. 13. Humor is not my foray, so I tried, and I now know I failed on it. I'll leave the little comments, and remove the stupid humor. I like the Manamune build, and I'll make the Trinity Force section as a side-note (as mentioned). 14. Fixed. 15. I gave the stats for the people who like the stats, then I commented on it. I understand it, and I'll fix it, but eh....I like people to know the numbers. 16. It's a matter of time and coding. I'll get around to it.[/quote]

[quote=Scrax]Thanks Jhoi! I've updated my guide to reflect on your criticism. My full comment on your criticism can be found on my guide :)[/quote]

[quote=jhoijhoi][color=#008000][b]Reviewable Guides[/b][/color] [quote=lefze] Guide For (champion): Garen Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: My first guide. Dont know how well the items willwork, as havent really tried the build yet. the reason for this is that im not at home, and i dont have a proper computer with me. What I'd like you to focus on: The items primary. Ill rework formatting when i get my hands on a proper computer Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/garen-the-healthy-killer-updated-101717 [/quote] [quote=L1LShadow] [color=#00ff00]Guide For:[/color] General Tanking (no specific champion) [color=#00ff00]Why I'd like this to be Reviewed:[/color] Criticism and publicity(I know I need attention :3). [color=#00ff00]What I'd like you to focus on:[/color] Explaination, Format, or your criterion. [color=#00ff00]Guide Link:[/color] [url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/tanking-manual-95403]General Tanking Guide[/URL] [/quote] [quote=ChefoSLR] Guide for: Leona Reasons why I'd like you review it: I put a lot of effort into this guide, I think it follows the standard format with a pinch of creativity. I've gone into detail about a lot of the strategy needed for a proper Leona play. Overall, I think you'll enjoy the work put into this guide. What I'd like you to focus on: The style of the guide, my take on the masteries and item paths. Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/leona-a-new-dawn-for-tanks-104374 [/quote] @Nameless: I had GIMP a long time ago, but I find photoshop just so much easier to use :P @Scrax: Yuppp, I replied in your guide :3 @Aharan: +1'd your guide, come back here for another review if you can handle my cattiness :P @Chesfo: I ignored your first post because I had to :( I clearly state in my first post how to submit a request, and I have ignored people in the past, you're not the first, don't worry. I meant no ill-will by it, I just have to show people I mean what I say ^^ @Wrath: I'M SICK AS A DOG. SUCKS BALLS. I'm gonna go have breakfast and read over the lectures I have missed due to being sick, then I'll probably come back online and review some more requests! :3[/quote]

[quote=Aharan]Guide for: Corki Reasons why I'd like you to review it: Well, you already did, and in the matter of 5 hours, I've retooled it, adding more color, coding, and cleaning it up. What I'd like you to focus on: Same thing as last time. Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/corki-insert-creative-name-here-90103 P.S I love harsh criticism. I want to know exactly what and how people think of me in real life, so it translates pretty well over to the internet.[/quote]

[quote=Rudmed]Guide for: Tanks Reason why I'd like you to review it: So I finish polishing it up, and a second pair of eyes will always be welcome. I think I need a break from it. What I'd like you to focus on: Anything, but hey atleast you went through it twice. Link:[url=http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/comprehensive-how-to-tank-guide-81094]Lookin Good[/url] P.S. Be gone demon that has caused me to headdesk due to coding![/quote]

[quote=Goffterdom]Yup over here :) Such a nice initiative, thanks mate. A funny thing: I read the "What People Look For in a Guide (Read me!)" before noticing your post, so I hope my presentation won't disapoint you. [b][color=#ff8000]Guide For (champion)[/color][/b]: [b]Jungle Master Yi[/b][color=#00ff00][/color] [i]Before you think "GOD NOT AGAIN" please read what follows :P[/i] [b][color=#ff8000]Why I'd like this to be Reviewed[/color][/b]: I think there are too many "OMG ONLY FULL DAMAGES GOGO PENTAKILL" Yi guides. And I'm tired of this. I wanted to make a more viable Yi Guide. Also I never read a Yi guide that fully fill my expectations so I wanted to make my own one. I'd like to know what you think about it, what people think about it. [b][color=#ff8000]What I'd like you to focus on[/color][/b]: Did I miss something ? A crucial section / question / in-depth analysis ? Are there too many english mistakes ? I'd also like to know how the presentation is, if it needs rework, what parts and so on... I would also like that people actually [b]read[/b] it :P [b][color=#ff8000]Guide Link[/color][/b]: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/master-yi-the-wuju-jungle-style-99823 Finally, I'm really glad you said "I'll give an honest answer" because it is exactly what I am looking for ! Thanks in advance for your review, and even if you don't review it, thanks anyway because it's such a kind and helpful thread that you have there.[/quote]

[quote=Searz]@Gofferdom Start by removing all but one build at the top. They just clutter things up. State other builds in the guide itself. If you go Warmog/Frozen Mallet you NEED [[Atma's Impaler]] to make it worth it. Otherwise they're just not worth buying over other tanky items.[/quote]

[quote=Freddy Shopan]Guide For (champion): AMMUUUMMMMUUUUUUU the sad mummy. :] Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: it's my first guide, so I kinda wondered if I was on the right track. What I'd like you to focus on: the format of the guide and the logical reasoning of it all. Also, a quick question. I haven't done a "normal" guide yet, because I feel like my play-style is pretty similar to guides that have already been posted. Is this a valid reason not to, or should I make a guide just for the sake of having a different explanation an reasoning behind stuff, and very small variations? Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/op-ap-mumu-killing-from-the-jungle-101509[/quote]

[quote=ChefoSLR][quote]@Chesfo: I ignored your first post because I had to :( I clearly state in my first post how to submit a request, and I have ignored people in the past, you're not the first, don't worry. I meant no ill-will by it, I just have to show people I mean what I say ^^[/quote] It's ok, I understand why you ignored my first post and I've made changes in the second. My fault for not reading the rules first. :( I understand you're sick? Hope you feel better. =) My guide can wait.[/quote]

[quote=Rudmed][quote=Freddy Shopan] Guide For (champion): AMMUUUMMMMUUUUUUU the sad mummy. :] Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: it's my first guide, so I kinda wondered if I was on the right track. What I'd like you to focus on: the format of the guide and the logical reasoning of it all. Also, a quick question. I haven't done a "normal" guide yet, because I feel like my play-style is pretty similar to guides that have already been posted. Is this a valid reason not to, or should I make a guide just for the sake of having a different explanation an reasoning behind stuff, and very small variations? Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/op-ap-mumu-killing-from-the-jungle-101509 [/quote] Ahhh Amumu, such a good champion. I need to play him a bit more. Anyways, I'll help ya out a bit until Jhoi can come and pro-edit it. 1. Your items seem pretty solid since your going for AP-off tank amumu (Yes i just made that up...roll with it). 2. Primary runes are looking good, but I'm not so sure with the secondary. When I play amumu and get shurelya's reviere that is about all the cooldown I need. Also why are you suggesting dodge seals if you don't get the dodge masteries? 3. okay your build is colorful, which is good. Now what you need are some quick polishing notes. As I read your format gets messed up. Example: -picture--Information about skill- More information about skill What you want to do is make sure that all the information about the skill is below the picture, and that will straighten it up. Also try to center your icons to make things easier. Do that for your items as well to help clear it up. Also you can use seperators between abilities to help add space (I'd recommend one enter for the top skill, and two enters for the skill below it) Seperators= - - - - - - - (Just without the spaces). That is just my two cents. I may come back and throw more opinions out. Edit: I seem to have messed up with the codes. If anyone can offer a cleaner verison please go ahead.[/quote]