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jhoijhoi's review & discussion service

Creator: jhoijhoi June 29, 2011 5:44pm
Phaux
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Hello Jhoijhoi :) I would love if you could take a look at my guide and tell me what you like and what you don'f about it.

Guide For (champion): Orianna, The Lady Of Clockwork
Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: To improve both the guide and the number of viewers it might get. I'm looking to improve not just my own Orianna play, but everyone else's play aswell.
What I'd like you to focus on: Focus on every tiny aspect of the guide you can find, I'd love to hear everything, but mainly the item build and reasoning behind it.
Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/orianna-an-in-depth-ap-caster-guide-106382

I know it isn't perfect, but it's a work in progress, so be kind :)
jhoijhoi
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Reviewable Guides
ChefoSLR wrote:

Guide for: Leona
Reasons why I'd like you review it: I put a lot of effort into this guide, I think it follows the standard format with a pinch of creativity. I've gone into detail about a lot of the strategy needed for a proper Leona play. Overall, I think you'll enjoy the work put into this guide.
What I'd like you to focus on: The style of the guide, my take on the masteries and item paths.
Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/leona-a-new-dawn-for-tanks-104374

Aharan wrote:

Guide for: Corki
Reasons why I'd like you to review it: Well, you already did, and in the matter of 5 hours, I've retooled it, adding more color, coding, and cleaning it up.
What I'd like you to focus on: Same thing as last time.
Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/corki-insert-creative-name-here-90103

Rudmed wrote:

Guide for: Tanks
Reason why I'd like you to review it: So I finish polishing it up, and a second pair of eyes will always be welcome. I think I need a break from it.
What I'd like you to focus on: Anything, but hey atleast you went through it twice.
Link:Lookin Good

Goffterdom wrote:

Guide For (champion): Jungle Master Yi
Before you think "GOD NOT AGAIN" please read what follows :P
Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: I think there are too many "OMG ONLY FULL DAMAGES GOGO PENTAKILL" Yi guides. And I'm tired of this. I wanted to make a more viable Yi Guide. Also I never read a Yi guide that fully fill my expectations so I wanted to make my own one. I'd like to know what you think about it, what people think about it.
What I'd like you to focus on: Did I miss something ? A crucial section / question / in-depth analysis ? Are there too many english mistakes ? I'd also like to know how the presentation is, if it needs rework, what parts and so on... I would also like that people actually read it :P
Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/master-yi-the-wuju-jungle-style-99823


Guide For (champion): AMMUUUMMMMUUUUUUU the sad mummy. :]
Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: it's my first guide, so I kinda wondered if I was on the right track.
What I'd like you to focus on: the format of the guide and the logical reasoning of it all. Also, a quick question. I haven't done a "normal" guide yet, because I feel like my play-style is pretty similar to guides that have already been posted. Is this a valid reason not to, or should I make a guide just for the sake of having a different explanation an reasoning behind stuff, and very small variations?
Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/op-ap-mumu-killing-from-the-jungle-101509


Guide For (champion): Shaco
Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: I feel that I have found a new perspective for Shaco in the current meta, wherein squishy assassin-dps is not always the right call.
What I'd like you to focus on: Please focus on the viability of this guide in higher elo/ranked/competitive play. Any additional comments with regard to sections missing, etc. would also be appreciated.
Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/shaco-unstoppable-jungle-tanky-dps-102477

kin333x wrote:

Guide For (champion): Wukong
Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: i think i might have forgot something, or failed at writing it AGAIN!
What I'd like you to focus on: the guide itself
Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/wukong-the-tanky-dps-106043

Phaux wrote:

Guide For (champion): Orianna, The Lady Of Clockwork
Why I'd like this to be Reviewed: To improve both the guide and the number of viewers it might get. I'm looking to improve not just my own Orianna play, but everyone else's play aswell.
What I'd like you to focus on: Focus on every tiny aspect of the guide you can find, I'd love to hear everything, but mainly the item build and reasoning behind it.
Guide Link: http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/build/orianna-an-in-depth-ap-caster-guide-106382

Okay guys, as you can see, I'm back-logged a lot, and I am still sick.

I'd appreciate it if no more requests were asked for now, just so I can feel like I'm catching up, and not drowning in the incoming flood of requests.

I'm flattered that many people have sought help here, but I'm just a tiny bit starting to be worn down. Today is the 1st Month Anniversary of this thread, and in that month's time I have reviewed 57 guides, and have re-reviewed some of those 57. Some of those 57 have been incredibly time-consuming to review, due to their length.

I believe that is quite an achievement, and as such, I hope it is enough of an excuse to be slacking right now :)
jhoijhoi
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Also, lol, I'm a bit disappointed I don't have 57 comments on my Ashe guide in return.
jhoijhoi
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ChefoSLR's Leona Guide
Verdict: A solid off-tank Leona guide that the author clearly has put a lot of time and effort into.
Possible Improvements: I think the author needs to work on their grasp of spatial grammar and have a look at their guide from a new perspective. Do the columns really suit that much information? The guide is certainly in-depth enough, so the only other suggestions I could make are adding in some more images for visual relief. Is Leona even a viable pick?

Constructive Criticism:

1) :/ As you do not buy Ninja Tabi or specify for dodge chance in the defence tree, I would definitely recommend swapping out those Seals of Evasion for Seals of Armour. Also, Marks of Warding are pretty bad, as an off tank, I'd suggest Marks of Magic Penetration, or Desolation.

2) I have no problem at all with your item build beyond the fact that it is very expensive, and that you may like to purchase Glacial Shroud a little earlier in your purchase order.

3) Expanded Mind > Perseverance

4) Greed > Expanded Mind

5) Your green is a little too fluro :P I tend to use Dark Green, as it is less assaultive to the eyes. Also, it's not entirely necessary to colour the whole list. I know it's a pain to colour just the hyphens, but I find it looks nicer.

6) Can't touch this? :P

7) All masteries have now been iconated. ie: Veteran Scars .

8) Like I detail in my guide about making a guide, add "space" in between your columns.

9) Why would you go Skill Sequence > Items > Skill Assessment? That makes no sense. Should be: Skill Assessment > Skill Sequence > Items.

10) With your Partner section, I'd suggest centring those large champion icons, as it looks pretty lopsided the way it is now.

11) I don't know about you, but I find the large use of those icons an eyesore as it creates weird spacing between the lines of your paragraphs. It's often better to just use Akali as opposed to .

12) I think you should remove the title beginning "Summary" as it just looks weird.
jhoijhoi
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Aharan's Corki Guide
Verdict: A bare-bones Corki guide that tries too hard to cater for too many different builds, thus it doesn't focus on any build with enough depth. Edit: A solid Corki guide that covers two main builds, and the playstyle for both.
Possible Improvements: The organisation needs to be tidied up, as does the coding and formatting. The guide is screaming for colour. Some sections just seemed like waffle and didn't seem necessary. The guide/build isn't bad, but it isn't great (though admittedly it is better than some of the Pro guides out there). It seems like the author could try a little bit harder with his guide to make it 100x better :) Edit: The guide has certainly improved since I last saw it, proving the author is dedicated to making his guide better. It is now comprehensive and well-written. The only improvements I can think of are adding screenshots of the build working, and videos of gameplay.

Constructive Criticism:

1) You don't need to list every item in a build for the final item. ie: Phage > Sheen > Zeal. The most you should have to list is: Phage > Sheen. Even then, I would have thought Sheen more important on Corki.

2) I think it's risky starting with such low health and no Doran's to back you up (even despite the fact you spec in the defence tree).

3) The date FAILS me.

4) This is what I mean about adding strategic colour.

Quoted:
Pros

+ Phenomenal poking power, amazing burst late game.
+ Not your standard AD Carry, you use more spells then right-clicking everything


5) Use the new embedding system. If you don't know what I mean, have a look at my guide about writing a guide.

6) In your Runes section, it'd be nice if you explained all the different runes you've chosen. Glyphs of Focus aren't bad either.

7) You could combine your Masteries and Runes section, as your Masteries section is pretty short. Also, embed.

8) At the end of your skills section there's a lot of random space. Also, at the end you could put your Skill Sequence.

9) Embed each item build into your item build sections.
jhoijhoi
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Rudmed's General Tanking Guide
Verdict: A nice introductory lesson to being a tank. Edit: A revised, more serious edition, but still needs a bit more work. Edit: This guide is a fantastic resource for new tank players. The commandments are rules that every player should read. The guide shows an insight to the tanking gameplay that can only come from experience.
Possible Improvements: Needs to work on grammar and what sort of tone the guide should convey (more authoritarian would be good), some images would be beneficial. More champion examples - Galio, Jarvan etc would be great. Edit: There still aren't any images, formatting is a bit of an issue, other examples of tanks would be nice, but not necessary. A jungling section is almost required due to the current US meta of tanks in the jungle. The author also still needs to work on his spelling :P Edit: The guide has completely improved since the last time I saw it. It is a lovely read. The author just needs to take into account my below review ^^

lol! Third request :P Keep them coming, Rudmed :)

Constructive Criticism:

1) <3 I love shout outs :)

2) I'd resize that crest, just because it takes up so much space.

3) When using line separators, add in extra enter spaces before and after so the text doesn't touch the lines.

4) You need to work on your sense of paragraphical space. Basically sometimes you have a sub-heading and put an enter after it, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you have random blocks of empty space, and sometimes you don't.

You need to work on adding flow to the guide. Each sub-heading should be distinguishable from the information that follows. You need to just "view" your guide again and again and again until it looks right. Here's what I mean:

Quoted:
Number 1 way you can protect your comrades is by using your CC skills.

Shen's Shadow Dash for example is a very good way to get multiple foes to focus you at once. You will disable their ability to use their skills on your comrades, and force them to attack you. Giving your comrades time to withdraw, or beat the snot out of the enemy carries.

Another example of this is using Amumu 's Bandage Toss and Curse of the Sad Mummy combo, or just flash in and use your ult. This itself can protect your comrades from one person for at least 3.5 seconds, and the entire team for 2.




Another way to protect your comrades it by shielding them.

This is another powerful way to protect your important carries, and letting them escape or fight on. Shen 's Ultimate Stand United is a very good example of shielding comrades.




Being the 1st one in.

Simply after an initiation you are the first one in. Now why is this important? Psychology dictates that one is more afraid of the immediate danger rather then the underlying danger.


5) I like your images :) They are a nice touch.

6) I'd never use fluro green, try dark green.

7) Love your jungling/farming section. You need to have an enter space before the map image, as it's on the same line as the text. Also, a nice general jungle route would be great :)
Lugignaf
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Can you shoot me a PM when you're accepting review requests again?
I see you are completely swamped and it's why I didn't ask earlier.
True love is found only in yourself.
jhoijhoi
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Goffterdom's Jungle Master Yi Guide
Verdict: A FANTASTIC Jungle Master Yi guide that covers anything and everything you could possibly want to know about the melee DPS champion. I absolutely loved the amount of information and depth this guide managed to convey. I have never outright rec'd a guide before this guide. I congratulate the author on such a beautifully written and structured guide.
Possible Improvements: The guide is already phenomenally good, but videos of the jungle route would be awesome. Some videos of gameplay and some screenshots of build success would be nice too. Great guide.

Constructive Criticism:

1) :/ I've never seen anyone ever use Glyphs of Intellect. Wouldn't Glyphs of Focus, or Warding be better?

2) o.O I like your itemization, but why Quicksilver Sash over Banshee's Veil straight up? Also, I'm surprised you don't take up Youmuu's Ghostblade. With your current build you have plenty of damage, but no Armour Penetration (beyond your runes and masteries).

3) Good Hands > Perseverance

4) :) Thanks in advance for telling me English isn't your first language. Just make sure you read over everything out loud. For instance, "farm properly on a lan early game". Should be "lane". I won't point out any more grammar/spelling mistakes, as I'm sure you will be able to find them on your own.

5) Have a nice read, LADIES and gentlemen. I for one, am a lady, so if I'm a female reading this, then surely there are others :)

6) I'm not quite sure why you have random enter spaces at the end of each section. Also, I'm loving the detail you put into this guide.

7) Ganking, not ganging :P

8) You may like to use the new embedding system.

9) You have to go through your guide and get rid of the random extra enter spaces you have. Makes it look wonky :/

10) I would never list Sword of the Occult.

11) ! So simple, yet makes so much sense. Mind if I quote your Black Cleaver description?

12) I'd put your Ability Mechanisms before Ability Sequence.
jhoijhoi
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First of all, to answer your question, and ask a question of my own. What do you mean by "normal" guide? If you mean "general", then my answer is: do what you want!! I can see you're a proficient guide writer, and your reasoning is very coherent. I see no reason why you wouldn't like to make a general guide. However, I'd first suggest having a look around and seeing if what you want to write has already been written, AND if it already is highly rated. You don't want to spend time on something that will never be seen.

Freddy Shopan's Jungle Amumu Guide
Verdict: An absolutely delightful jungle Amumu guide that is completely and utterly aesthetically pleasing and well written. Extremely in-depth.
Possible Improvements: I don't think I have any ^^ I really like the idea of the build. The only thing I can think of is some video gameplay of ganking/using Amumu's abilities. Great guide :)

Constructive Criticism:

1) The only problem I have with your items is that you're gonna be kinda squishy. I'd suggest RoA normally, but I don't see that fitting well with your build. But I definitely see the positives to this build.

2) Instead of Shurelya's, have you consider Zhonya's as a last item in lieu of Banshee's? I don't think your build needs the Shurelya's, and the Zhonya's will give you that extra bit of armour and survivability, plus an AP bonus ^^

3) Don't say you haven't played this build in a ranked game ^^ It's not necessary :)

4) When using separator lines, add in an extra enter space so that the lines don't touch text/icons.

5) I'm loving your guide :)

6) lol at your Promote description ^^

7) You have "Notes:" on the first two skill explanations, but not on the following, I think you should just remove it.

8) When in paragraphs, use Despair as opposed to

9) "Shurelya's Reverie is good, and builds from the phil stone. At this point it's nice to have more hp, and regen of everything. You want to grab CDR whenever you can. Also, the active helps if you screw up your bandage toss to set up the ult. idk. Usually doesn't come to this. Any tanky item would work well here, too." Yeah, I'd remove Shurelya's and add in something that makes a little bit more sense :P

10) Instead of saying Aegis is too slow, say "This is an AP tank build, not straight Tank"

11) "Always jungle with Amumu." <3 <3 <3

12) Probably should mention somewhere that potions restore 200 health, so pop it when you lose 195 or something ^^
jhoijhoi
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@Lugignaf - I'm catching up now, and I believe I'm going to have a helper, so request away :)

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