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jhoijhoi's review & discussion service

Creator: jhoijhoi June 29, 2011 5:44pm
Jebus McAzn
<Retired Moderator>
Jebus McAzn's Forum Avatar
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Sep 30th, 2010
Permalink | Quote | PM | +Rep June 29, 2011 7:03pm | Report
Reply to criticism:

1. Understood, but I include the rest in the main item build and it's pretty much understood for all jungles that you start cloth armor+5 pots. It really should be a no-brainer and I didn't like the clutter that listing 5 health potions caused.
2. The second TOC was made to have easier reference to subsections of current sections of the guide, and the most useful thing is that you can always refer back to the table of contents instantly with the "back to table of contents" button by each sub-chapter. I'll do some more thinking abou tit.
3. Will consider.
4. Thanks ^_^
5. Will add some color.
6. " "
7. Didn't know that about Perseverance. Will fix.
8. Will do.
9. Interesting, I was positive that I had a section on why Sorcerer's Shoes aren't great... Obviously it's not there anymore.
10. I'll try my best. ^_^
11. yep. >.> will attempt to make it better
12. Intentional, since there's a blue wraith and three red ones.
13. I'll find one.
14. Perhaps. :P
<MOBAFire Mother>
jhoijhoi's Forum Avatar
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Mar 20th, 2011
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Bryun's Akali Guide
Verdict: A good start, has potential
Possible Improvements: Needs to work on repetition, the too-abundant colours, maybe some more gameplay tips/a more extensive gameplay section

Constructive Criticism:

1) Your Purchase Order is a bit too specific. I know that a Hextech Revolver is made up of 2x Amplifying Tomes...

2) Your Mastery Tree set up is very unique, and not something that I see often. The problem I see with it is that you're not getting the upgrade of Flash AND you're not getting the benefits of Awareness which will push you to level 6 faster. Hitting level 6 is vital to a good early game.

3) There doesn't seem to be much difference between Build 1 and Build 2 besides starting with a Doran's Blade or Boots of Speed. I'd drop one of the builds and just mention you can start with either item. Why? I find having multiple builds is confusing to new users and they might not click on either Akali icon to see the cheat sheet.

4) ^^ Never include the champion story... makes it look like you're just boosting the word count. That's my opinion, anyway.

5) In your "Skills" section, you're copying out what the reader can already read from the tooltips. You should delete the useless information and just leave what you have highlighted in yellow, but revert the colour to white. (also, not sure why the blue text is so small? o.O)

6) Your "Skill Sequence" section is really large and takes up a lot of space... You could merge the two sections, making your guide more comprehensive. You say yourself, "I know some of this is repeated etc etc" - no, people don't like reading the same thing over and over, so merge the two sections, and it'll look better and read better.

7) I think the main issue I have with your guide is the size of the icons. They're too big. It makes your guide look like there is no information when there is plenty. Also, paragraphs of yellow text isn't attractive. You seem to have too much colour o.O The content is fine, but the colour hurts my eyes, and I don't even know why D:

8) Your "Items" section is a bit all over the place. You should try and list the items in order of purchase, or in categories, such as "Survival", "Damage", "Boots".

9) Same issue with your "Summoner Spells" section as I had with your abilities section. Remove the repeated content, only have your own thoughts about each spell.

10) I think your section "Combo Sequences" should be moved up into your "Abilities" section for comprehension. It seems out of place where it currently is.

11) Love your screeshots about Twilight Shroud! Very informative.

12) I'm not sure I like your "Achievements" section. The colours are too much, and the centered text looks messy. The screeshots themselves are very good (even though they're not ranked). Maybe consider changing the colours, getting rid of the paragraph where you say you don't play Akali anymore (no one wants to hear that :P). You might want to clean up that last screenshot of Mentos'.

13) With regards to that video tutorial - could you make your own?
gwadzila's Forum Avatar
May 29th, 2011
Permalink | Quote | PM | +Rep June 29, 2011 7:21pm | Report
Guide for: Gragas
Why? To see how I can improve it.
Focus: None
Link: Click the first cat in my sig.

But if you don't upvote, I'll find where you live and ransom your dog. Jk (OR AM I?)
Credit to jhoijhoi for this intense battle.
Whenever you +Rep me, a puppy finds a home.
My builds: Gragas Veigar Soraka
My Blog is f*cking important.
<MOBAFire Mother>
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Mar 20th, 2011
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Reply to Jebus:

1. :P Understood
2. It just seems like a waste of space - who actually refers back to TOC to read stuff?
12. haha cute <3
14. Doooo eeeeeet.
<Magic Man>
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May 1st, 2011
Permalink | Quote | PM | +Rep June 29, 2011 7:39pm | Report
Reply -

1) Alright, will change.

2) Yeah I've been thinking about changing my runes to health per level, so I can use a standard mastery.

3) I can't do this one because you use different runes and masteries, for Akali Build 1 is for people who want both passives without an item, and Build 2 is for when they prefer to use Doran's anyways. o:

4) Oh I didn't know that, I just love the lore. I think it's more for me than anyone else.

5) Will do, and for some reason the sizes won't co-operate with me.

6) Okie!

7) Well, which size should I use o.o, and alright I'll tone down on the color, but I don't want to make it to bland..

8) Been thinking the same thing.

9) Will do, I just left that there because new people don't usually scroll over the Icons.

10) I left this in a different section because if people don't know combo sequences I want them to get there faster through the ToC. It's just a preference :P

11) Thank you!

12) Will remove the colors, and first paragraph. For some reason I just think when It's centered the alignment matches with the picture. :P

13) When I first started Akali I watched that video and it helped me a lot. But yes I will make one in the near future.

Thanks <3

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Mar 20th, 2011
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Bryun's Jax Guide
Verdict: A very simplistic Jax guide
Possible Improvements: Needs expansion, currently it is more of a bare bones, "this is Jax" guide, needs more depth

Constructive Criticism:

1) Doran stacking... hmm. Normally I would say don't unless necessary (as you could have bought components for your other items for the price of those two extra Doran's), but with Jax, I can see it being viable.

2) Your build is so interesting. On anyone else it'd be completely weird. Like. Really really really weird. But on Jax? Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

3) :/ This build is copied from someone else? Also, don't link your other guides right at the beginning - you want people to finish your Jax guide first before going off somewhere else.

4) Again with the story...

5) Your "Skills" section is a bit too short, but it is certainly more succinct than your Akali one! ^^

6) Good "Runes" section - but aren't there other runes that Jax players could use? Quints of Fortitude?

7) No other possible Summoner Spells?

8) Your "Masteries" section is really lacklustre...

9) "Gameplay" section is really short. Not sure if you're trying for humour with the repetition of "Farm". I really believe this should be expanded. I could copy and paste that section and put it in any other guide, it's that obscure. I do like the set up though (Early game > Team Fights)

10) I actually like your items section and how you've set it up. Looks very neat. I think the icons might be a bit large though. Maybe a bit more information about each item would be beneficial. But I really do like your items section. It just *looks* good.

11) Your "Video" section - you could actually embed the video, you know ;)
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Mar 20th, 2011
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Trophycase's Ashe Guide
Verdict: A very simplistic and yet extremely informative Ashe guide
Possible Improvements: Needs a summary, possibly some videos of gameplay, some proof of success with this guide

Congratulations on the success of your guide, Trophy ^^ I worked hard to be third, and in 48 hours since your guide's release you've already surpassed the top guides to become second. Commendable :)

I must say, your guide has also changed quite a lot from the first look I had at it.

Constructive Criticism:

1) Quints of Strength on Ashe just seem odd, especially seeing as you... nvm, you changed it to 21/0/9. K. Wow, I imagine you have huge damage early on now, with those Quints. Still not sure of them, but I can definitely see them working.

2) :/ This is a small thing, but I'd always get a level of Hawkshot as early as viable due to it's utility. If the enemy jungler isn't ganking you before/at level 3, I'd be surprised.

3) Doran stacking on Ashe - only do it if completely necessary. You're delaying your Infinity Edge.

4) In your Mastery Tree set up, you've neglected Archaic Knowledge. That 15% Magic Pierce could mean the difference between arrowing someone to death or having them limp away. Plus it's only 1 point that can easily be taken out of Alacrity (which shouldn't be necessary early game, considering you shouldn't be auto-attacking anyway).

5) Your introduction is very well written and extremely neat. This caught my attention however, "Sifting through the guides on the site, I found there were a lot of strong guides, however there were a few things I didn't like about each of them". May I ask what you didn't like about my own Ashe guide?

6) Your "Gameplay" section is nicely informative, yet short enough not to drag on.

7) For some reason I feel as if your guide just... cuts off. Probably because there is no summary... It just feels as if it's unfinished?

Fantastic guide, possibly one of the best I've seen on MobaFire.
Trojan995's Forum Avatar
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Oct 4th, 2010
Permalink | Quote | PM | +Rep June 29, 2011 7:59pm | Report
Guide For: Tristana
Why I'd Like To Be Reviewed: I'd like to improve xD I can't just sit back and let my guide chug in top 10 anymore, I need to work for those upvotes.
What I'd Like You To Focus On: Detail - too much? Too little? I think in my kennen guide I had way too much detail, so I tried to include only the bare minimum. Please help me with making sure I have the necessary detail without being as overbearing as aspiring guides often are.
Guide Link
Click for one of my awesome builds!
Thanks to Mowen, WrATHofVuLK, and AlexanPT for the signatures! Check out Tristana: The Lane Game, Maokai: The Chu8 Way, and Twisted Fate: Card Games!
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Feb 8th, 2011
Permalink | Quote | PM | +Rep June 29, 2011 8:04pm | Report
Jungle Nasus guide.
Don't think of it as a jungling guide per se.
I want to really know if I wasn't clear on things. If there are some things that I can be more flexible on.
A little proofreading...
<MOBAFire Mother>
jhoijhoi's Forum Avatar
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Mar 20th, 2011
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I demand +rep! :D

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