Kog'Maw Build Guide by KeepItSimple

>>> Introduction >>> Pros & Cons >>> Starting Items >>> Mid/Late Game Items >>> Alternative Items >>> Runes >>> Masteries >>> Summoner Spells >>> Abilities (l337 $KILL3TZ) >>> Kog'Maw's Passive >>> l337 High Elo Build >>> On-Hit Effect >>> How to Play AP Kog'Maw >>> Farming >>> El Stratico/Strategy >>> League Etiquette >>> AD Kog'Maw >>> Alternative AD Items >>> Summary

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Alright, so this guide has been around a while and I haven't done a whole lot to spruce it up but I do hope you enjoy it for what it is. It doesn't take itself too seriously because I don't take guides in general too seriously... probably because they're guides. I can't tell you every nuisance of how to play AP Kog, but what I can tell are the basics and I hope this guide has and will continue to give people a good general idea of what they're in store for when playing AP Kog. Hope you enjoy :)

By reading the above statement you have hear by agreed to sell your soul to the sole owner, (pun legally intended), KEEPITSIMPLE and will not sue said KEEPITSIMPLE for the small print trickery he used in order to steal your soul from you. Side effects of soul lossage may include sadistic torture of animals, devil worshiping and listening to heavy metal with spontaneously long hair.

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Hi there. I'm KEEPITSIMPLE and I've written this guide for YOU because I want to share with YOU the power of AP Kog'Maw.


You may have noticed that Kog'Maw doesn't show up very much. Now I don't have a tendency to lie, in fact I pretty much never do, but believe me when I say that Kog'Maw's lack of appearance has absolutely nothing to do with his kit's lack of escape. K, so we're off to a bad start because I just lied. Sorry, but yes he has no escape and that sucks. Kog'Maw isn't just strong and incredibly cute, but he's also incredibly cute. And being incredibly cute is everything in League of Legends. Trust me. ;)

But seriously, Kog'Maw may be an honorary spartan for his non-retreat oriented resolve, I mean he'd totally hold his ground and die like a bad *** even if he could escape, (unlike that blond haired pu$$y Ezreal), but he needs team mates to babysit him. And, well, solo que isn't exactly renowned for it's team work. No worries though! You can keep Kog'Maw's sphincter fresh and virgin by unlocking the full awesomeness of his payload. (I know what you're thinking and it's SINFUL!). Otherwise he's just going to get raped assassinated by that fed a$$hole Zed.

No, AP Kog'Maw refuses to be brown towned by the solo que randoms looking to get a kill because AP Kog'Maw is nobody's b1tch! He's not just a team fight DEMOLISHER but an extreme damage duelist who is NOT to be F%*#ED with.

And now I present to you...

KEEPITSIMPLE'S WATCH THE SKIES AP KOG'MAW GUIDE

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Are you feeling bored? Is your attention span waring thin? Then how about I stimulate your brain with...

At first I was reluctant to admit to the Archangel's Staff being an item. Like seriously stacking that sh1t sucks the big one. I spent days in a cave enduring my hunger and thirst so I could commit to some deep meditative contemplation. When I got bored of that I came home, had something to eat and I read a sticky note on the fridge I'd wrote saying, 'Hey dumb@ss when you get home from your new age spirit quest sh1t you should put the Archangel's Staff in your guide. So I did. I really, really, really, (x50) don't like stacking the Archangel's Staff, but the shield can soak up like 500 damage! AP Kog'Maw is a mana hungry BEAST and if you're playing no balls Kog'Maw, (explained in How to Play Kog), then you will need a butt load of extra mana to sustain that increasingly expensive Living Artillery. Plus, it does offer around 120 AP once fully stacked and combined with the Rod of Ages offers around 140 AP!

For the longest time the Void Staff wasn't an item I commonly used on an AP caster since it generally isn't prudent to try nuking a tank. Nukes cost money and while tanks aren't exactly a dime a dozen nukes cost like qaudzillions of dollars. Moral of the story: Don't nuke tanks. Regardless, the reality is that a void staff is quite a complimentary item on any AP caster. Additionally, those pesky high damage dealers sometimes like to build magic resist items like Quicksilver Sash, Maw of Malmortius and the Banshee's Veil. Kog'Maw deals a lot of DPS between his Bio-Arcane Barrage and Living Artillery so a Void Staff is really beneficial later on in the game. As a side note, magic penetration really benefits any form of DPS magic ability. And lasty, the Void Staff nominally synergizes with Kog'Maw's Void Ooze. ZOMG!!!

The Zhonya's Hourglass is a great defensive item because of it's TROLOLOLOL active which makes you momentarily untargetable. I don't like to build it too early since the main component is the needlessly expensive Needlessly Large Rod. Regardless, this item really packs a punch, (not really it has no fists), and has some nice armor so it really is a nice purchase. However, against an AD mid you may want to build a Seeker's Armguard after catalyst the protector. The main thing though is the Zhonya's is like Kryptonite for nuclear warheads so don't forget to use that active! Or forget, I don't actually care that much I'm just saying it'd suck if you forgot cuzz like... you know, you're dead.

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There are NO alternative items because my build is utterly perfect in each and every way. There isn't a single thing anyone, not even Hawkings could do to make my build any better than it already is... However, if I was someone silly enough to think that there were any items that could be apart of this build these are the items I'd use. (Btw, don't read this OH COME ON!)

The Deathfire Grasp grants an additional HOLY F*$% WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO MY HP ability that deals a significant amount of damage making it ideal for increasing Kog'Maw's somewhat weak nuke. Well, it used to. Kinda sucks now, but at least it has some AP...you know that's cool too I guess. It doesn't synergize very well, (at all), with Kog'Maw's long range, but if a bruiser or assassin gets up in your face, (edit: sexual innuendo removed), the Deathfire Grasp will help to make short work of them.

The Rylai's Crystal Scepter in combination with the Rod of Ages can help to better keep your cute and cuddly Kog'Maw relatively safe against assassins due to the nice pool of HP the two items grant. (Have you ever thought about what a pool of hit points would look like while high? No? Oh... Well this is kind of awkward then... ... ... ah this silence ... ... ... shooba de doo bop doobie HMMM? You say something? No? Oh, okay. ... ... ... **** it I'm smoking a jay you in or not)? Also, the rylai's's, (Is that correct grammer? Meh), slow synergizez quite nicely with Kog'Maw's ult meaning that dirty and despicable Teemo will never escape you! GET A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE YOU LITTLE C*#T!

I don't like building the Rod of Ages but it used to be really ball bustingly strong! I never wanted to build it. I said 'no mama don't make me build dat ole rod of dee ages' and she slapped me around and said 'sonny, you were an accident', and I was like, 'WHAAAAAT THE FU*@?!!!' Anyways, Kog'Maw is extremely mana hungry and as much as I like to get in there and kick some a$$ with my boot to their a$$ you can't do a whole lot if you're mana broke and willing to suck a thick, salty milkshake through a straw to get it. The catalyst the protector is a really great early game sustain item because of it's passive, (health and mana regen when you level up) and that's part of the reason one silly individual might love building the Rod of Ages.

When you're pumping out 50 megatons of raw, acidic ©um, vomit the last thing you want is to get shut down before the fight even begins by an assassin or lucky Blitzcrank grab. Sure, you'll be dead but while the enemy team is trying to force themselves onto your team like it's some kind of cheap hooker they'll all be ignoring the heavenly music and light all around your body as Kog'Maw revives from the dead and yells ABOOGABUGGABIGGIWAAATA!

This is the item that eats its lunch in the bathroom because none of the cool kids like it and always pick on it. Just about the only champs you'll see using it are Teemo, (**** the little sh1thead), and Kayle because they have auto attack abilities that deal magic damage. What's that you say? Trouble at the old mill? No? Then what the **** are you on abo...OHHHHH, Kog'Maw has magical auto attacks too... YOU'RE RIGHT! This item gives a fair chunk of AP, but it will offer less damage to your Void Ooze and Caustic Spittle than other AP items. On the plus though, it grants 50 attack speed to offer more damage per second! (I'm a rebel I don't always use acronyms). So feel free to try out this item!

Back when I first made this guide the Liandry's Torment was an essential part of the build due to it's sheer bad @ss synergy with Kog'Maw's Void Ooze. What I found was that Kog'Maw is such a neeeeeedy champ. He needs health cuzz he's got no mobility and he needs mana cuzz he's a mana ***** and he needs diapers because sometimes he sh1tz out this green, acidic diarrhea that - omfg - makes me want to puke. (He's still adorable though). Anyways, Liandry's Torment is still a potentially great item for him if your willing to sacrifice some survivability. If you do decide to build it I'd replace it with the Rod of Ages or Zhonya's Hourglass.

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The Greater Mark of Magic Penetrations offer super, duper, awesome early game damage. This will make your voud ooze hit like a truck... wait... that makes no sense. Well, whatever it'll hurt A LOT and that's what counts. The movement speed quints are for the fact that you're slower than a fudge addicted white boy and have no dash, flash, hop, skip, portal roll, or megaton jet rocket ski. Which is a shame because I'd really love to have a megaton jet rocket ski. Oh well.




I use Greater Seal of Armors because I HATE the minions always getting first blood on me! Sure, I use to laugh at those pesky little melee minions trying to beat me down with their silly little clubs, BUT THEN THEIR MAGE BUDDIES SHOWED UP WITH A CANNON! Yes, a giant F*#&ING cannon! Have you ever seen what those minions do with first blood gold? They invest it into mexican child laborers that for 0.001 gold an hour build an entire pinata shaped factory that manufactures NON-UNIQUE PASSIVE SUNFIRE CAPES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or if you're more concerned about mana you can get Greater Seal of Mana Regenerations. Either or, no big deal.




Glyphs are where you really decide what you want your early game play style to be; thrust it deep or skim the surface. Why are you looking at me like that? WHAT!? **** it, so the Greater Glyph of Magic Resists allow you to tank up some nice early game harass like a boss so you can either stay in lane all day playing skeet ball with the nanny or bully that rotten son of an honorable opponent out of lane.

The Greater Glyph of Scaling Ability Powers make it prudent to play pu$$y, yellowbelly, pusillanimous, passive in the beginning, but later on these bad boys really shine and can really vamp up your damage.

The Greater Glyph of Ability Powers offer some nice early game damage, but only allow you to really bully your opponent early on if you can avoid their harass. As my great grand pappy used to say, 'Spank em before they can spank YOU!'

Lastly, the Greater Glyph of Scaling Magic Resists offer pretty sub-par magic resist early on, but significant magic resist later on which can really help against AP assassins who want to have their way with you.

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Please don't make me explain these to you. The runes were hard enough. Pleeeeease... fine. Riot likes to make you thing that you're a grand master of mastery point allotment but the reality is there's really very little you can do to deviate from what everyone else is picking.

The only real decision making to be done with masteries is whether you want to be, manlier, tankier by going into the defensive tree or have better, b1tch sustain, mana regen and movement speed from the utility tree. Your preference mate. (Did the voice in your head that's narrating what you're reading do an Australian accent when I said mate? If it did you're RACIST).

But no seriously, I take the little b1tch masteries because if you don't play like a b1tch you'll become the b1tch. At least, that's my experience when it comes to Kog'Maw. Stay at a distance with all of that MS and you'll be fine kid. (I say kid because I look down upon you, but I'm like all nice about it instead of calling you a little sh1t I could crush under my boot like a scoop of ice cream being splat beneath an overweight donkey.... Great. I shouldn't have said all that. Now things are going to be weird between us).

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I wish this spell just didn't exist. I hate taking it, but I HAVE TO! I HAVE TO BECAUSE IT'S SO THUMB NUMBINGLY BROKEN! (yes, thumb numbingly). Hey look at me, I'm a jungler being Mr. Nice Guy for my team and ganking OOOO WAIT THEY HAVE Flash. Why don't they just call it 'You screwed up, but there are no consequences enjoy! :D ' Anyways take flash.

Ironically, this spell requires shoving a sci-fi force shield generator up your champion's a$$ in order to save its a$$. Given Kog'Maw's long range, (out of range of ignite), and sh1tty survivability this spell actually suits him quite well for helping him to die. I mean, wait survive! Or just die.

Ooo how I love this spell. Number 1 since day 1 that's what I'm talkn' abowt bayyybayyy. Deals over 400 TRUE DMG maxed out and halves healing effects! It's good on the ADC for picking up kills, good on the APC for nuking, good for top laners for winning and absolutely BOSS on supports and junglers for KSing the SHIEEET out of their team mates. There's only one other person who appreciates the fiery awesomeness of ignite more than me and that's Tom Hanks.

Okay now before I get sued for copyright infringement let's continue

Jungle kog...now that's got me thinking. I'm going to try that. (Literally 57 minutes later). Okay, bad idea. Don't do that. DON'T JUNGLE KOG!

Kog'Maw sprinting after you like Usain Bolt on crack is scary. Not as useful for getting away as flash, but better for chasing.

It's fun to heal bait, but it only works if your opponent isn't overly passive. Ignite works whether they're playing aggressive or sissy britches and halves the effect of this spell. Nevertheless, what makes this spell is the movement speed they added making it much more potent as an escape mechanism which is what Kog'Maw needs when he's trying to protect himself from the rapid expansion of his sphincter.

Requires good reaction time but not a bad spell when your main concern is not dying. Of course, this is unacceptable. Your main concern is demolishing noobs and DEVOURING THEIR SOULS. I mean life force.

Despite the slow this spell is more of a passive spell than an aggressive one. It reduces damage and attack speed considerably making it a valuable defensive spell. BUT YOU'RE A WRECKING MACHINE! YOU DON'T PLAY DEFENSIVELY! YOU'RE A MAD MAN. AN INSANE LUNATIC BARBARIC MAD MAN! Or maybe that's just me...

Teleport + revive Kog'Maw? YOU BET! Revive and Teleport into the enemy team, die instantly and pick up a PENTA KILL! Or just stick with Flash and Ignite, whatever.

These spells aren't even worthy of an elaboration of my already stated opinion. Tisk tisk.

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So I might not be the sharpest sharp thing on whatever that thing is that the not so sharpest thing is on but when it comes to League of Legends my sheer talent slices through summoner's rift like something soft and easily slicable. And that's saying something whether you ask me or not.

Kog'Maw's bread and jam, (I don't like butter), is his Void Ooze. This ability really makes AP Kog'Maw a force to be reckoned with. And by reckoned with I mean avoided at all costs because if you try to reckon with him he'll explode purple acid all over you. Void Ooze has outstanding range, goes through minions, a slow and an outstandingly, impressive and insert additional strong intensity adjective here width! This ability can easily deal 500 magic damage and can completely DEMOLISH (imagine monster truck revving noises in your head) team fights if landed on multiple opponents at once!!

But wait, there's more! For 928 easy payments of $9.99 a month you can get Bio-Arcane Barrage leveled up next! Kog'Maw's Bio-Arcane Barrage does a significant amount of damage and per level grants increasing range to Kog'Maw's auto attacks making good for harrass. By the time you have 500 ap this ability will be dealing around 11% of a target's max HP! Don't underestimate how powerful this ability is without any attack speed. Every auto attack to a 2k hp target will end up being around 220 damage. This ability really amps up AP Kog'Maw's suprownage! so level it second or I WILL find you!

Level Caustic Spittle last because it's a pain in the *AWOOGA* to land. Regardless, it does deal the MAAaDZ DMGZ so don't hesitate to use it when some no good dirty gypsy tries to take away your soul! (I mean life force). It grants a lil' bit of attack speed right and attack speed is good right? right? a'ight. right. Good. Okay then. It also applies an armor and magic pen debuff which maxes out at 25 which means that 'ideally' you'll get the most damage on a target from using this spell first. But aaah, dun worry bout it. You got this kid. I believe in you!

Level up Living Artillery whenever you can because this not only provides AP Kog'Maw with his insanely ball busting harass, but also excellent point blank DPS. It doesn't scale overly well from AP, but it gains significant damage boosts from being leveled and has a a short motha F'n coo' down. So spam that sh1t and be happy foo'. For realz though. Don't forget though that every time you subsequently cast Living Artillery the mana cost goes up by 40. That's FOUR with the letter T at the end of it. Look for the Living Artillery icon just above your health bar. If it's above 3 you should probably wait a couple of seconds for the stacks to wear off unless you're in a serious engagement.

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Kog'Maw's passive ekatian, ekhaxixian, icecremian, Icathian Surprise is according to oxford dictionary a state where Kog'Maw's gastrointestinal system EXPLODES! Seriously, Icathian Surprise is awesome and my absolute favorite passive in the game. When you die you gain a buttload, (don't google that), of movement speed and after 4 seconds your body detonates dealing 100, (25 per lvl), AOE TRUE DAMAGE! That's over 500 AOE true dmg at lvl 18! I think of Icathian Surprise as part of AP Kog'Maw's nuke, because my man Kog'Maw has only one reason to live in this world and that reason is to die so he can blow the fu%k UP! I mean save for a flash or a really big dash people can't escape that sh1t unless you have poor reaction time or bad net. Now there's two ways you can go about addressing both problems. Icathian Surprise isn't fun at all with 500 ping whether it be due to your internet or your brain fart per neurowatt. Now, you can either get pissed off at your plight hence increasing your adrenaline leading to better reaction time and the motivation to do whatever it takes to acquire better internet. Or you can just... SmoooOoOoOke Weeeeed Everyday! Whichever path you choose don't sweat it man, because when Kog'Maw busts a load it's AOE so even if you don't get the man you want you can easily just ALALLALALALALALA into the enemy and call it GG M0tha Fu#kaz!

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You're probably thinking, WTF!? KEEPITSIMPLE would never build something as girly as this! And you sir are CORRECT! I would never, ever and most importantly NEVER, (did I mention never ever?), in my entire ball busting life partake in a high elo build as prissy, sissy and downright eufilatious as this!

You see, I'm not one of those upper class 'oh well my my, here here, quite quite' high elo folk that like to spend 45 minute games farming up for the first 40 minutes then winning a single baron fight only to then win the game because they're too chicken sh1t to get their hands dirty right off the get go. NO WAY! I'm one of you fellow blue collar workers shoveling sh1t in the coal mines and lifting crates at the docks. I'm a lower class all American boy, (Canadian actually shhh), who knows that if you want to make it big in this game you've got to risk it all to get to the top!






Did you know that some of League of Legends highest elo players had to die over a million times to get to where they are today? THAT'S RIGHT! You need to fail multiple times before you succeed! Unless you're the big cheese over at Riot Games who made it big on his first try, but uh... well ... FAILURE = SUCCESS! Get it? Got it? Good!

WTF!? How does this build work!? Well you see my fine sir, in high elo the League of Legends is little more than the League of cotton pickers and farmers. The epic plays eliciting uproars from the crowd during tournaments are really just the players ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING AFTER 40 MINUTES OF FARMING! Well, that and the destruction of wards. Seriously, when you hear the outcry of applause when a ward gets destroyed it makes you wonder if a riot would break out if multiple wards were being destroyed at once. Anyways, you need mana to farm and you can't waste gold on items that don't build into EPIC GAME CHANGERS! So build the Chalice of Harmony and build that into the Athene's Unholy Grail. Because you need mana to farm, MR not to die, and AP to kill! Now go get em' Boba Fettuccine!

Here's a trick question. If I was some hoity toity upper elo citizen and I wanted an item that had MR to suicide my Karthus, mana regeb to farm all game and AP to actually kill **** - THIS ISN'T REALLY A TRICK QUESTION BUILD THE Athene's Unholy Grail! In fact, build that Chalice of Harmony after the Doran's Rings for ub3r mana sustain so you can farm, push lane, farm your jungler's creep, go bot lane to steal their XP and farm and then go back to mid and farm some more! You don't need AP, because you're not trying to kill anybody! Time to right click them creeps to the top of the ladder! :D

WHAT HAPPENED!? Why is the game still going? After a clutch rotation during your farm fest you were supposed to have won at the baron fight. This is troubling. Very troubling. So troubling that I need to take a dump.


Jesus H. Christ I think I blew my O-ring. Anyways, since you've spent the entire game farming you should probably build some damage now so get to it and one day you'll be up there with the big shots. You're gonna go far, kid. I can feel it in my bones OMG I HAVE BONE CANCER!

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Why no attack speed items? Where's the on-hit effect? The minion's army of MEXICAN CHILD LABORERS STOLE THEM ALL! No, they didn't. But I wish they had because I've dabbled with on-hit effect/attack speed builds and have never had a whole lot of success.

The reason for this is that Riot is prejudice against on-hit effect and hybrid items. There's a few AP items that offer HP and the Rabadon's Deathcap offers a massive AP boost. AD builds offer life steal items and critical strikes. The Infinity Edge is an especially potent AD enhancer.

But the fat cats at RIOT HQ don't care much for on hit effect & hybrid items. They'd much rather work on their plots to RULE THE WORLD and make OP AP items like the Blackfire Torch! There is no hybrid damage amplifier that both increases crits AND ability power. And there are NO hybrid nor on-hit effect items that offer HP. For the most part all they offer is raw attack speed and sub-par damage. JUST LIKE THE NAZIS, RIOTERS WANT THEM TO! What the hell am I talking about OH GOD I'M SPOONING OUT OF THE NUTELLA AGAIN FUUUUUUU....N. That's it I'm going out and buying some black market lithium. Oh **** why am I typing this.

*cough* Moving along then, let's get serious for a second a'ight. Riot did make some notable changes to the on-hit effect scene by combining the Malady's stats with the Wit's End and Nashor's Tooth. These items are good, relatively cheap damage amplifiers, but they won't scale into life steal because you aren't building AD and Bio-Arcane Barrage doesn't spell vamp, (**** YOU RIOT!). They don't really offer any real survivability other than the Wit's End sub par/gimmicky magic resist.

The main dilemma with a lack of survivability is that you're essentially building a magic damage auto attack build with no lifesteal or crits. This means poor late game scaling and no life steal, (which is what keeps ranged carries alive). In the end, all of these items just leave Kog'Maw auto attacking while dealing gradually diminishing damage as the game progresses with no additional stats to keep him alive. This makes Kog'Maw sad...



Don't get me wrong. On-hit effect/attack speed AP items can be quite potent especially during the mid-game. Yet, since they offer little survivability they're difficult to use without...dying. Unless you're Kayle of course, but poor Kog'Maw doesn't have an invincibility ability. I'll admit though, I'm so biased against on-hit items that I don't even build a Nashor's Tooth on AP Kayle nor AP Teemo. The way I see it, (and my perspective is infallibly sound), scaling AP into your abilities is the way to go because it scales into better burst meaning that you don't have to rely so much on hazardous auto attacks to deal damage. Be kind and give your Kog'Maw a Rod of Ages and lots of AP. He'll show you his affection by exploding in your face. (Wow, I am NOT responsible for YOUR dirty mind!).

Regardless, if you're looking for more auto attack damage in your Kog'Maw then check out my on-hit effect/attack speed build. The Hextech Gunblade is, while certainly not useless, utterly useless. I'm not biased, but from day 1 I've never liked the item for no reason other than the color of it's icon. Also, it sucks. That is all. Good day to you, sir.

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In order to play AP Kog'Maw you will need to download the League of Legends Client and play for twenty-four hours straight in order to purchase Kog'Maw! Once you've accomplished this you need to address your alcoholism. This shouldn't take more than a few minutes. Once you've addressed it quickly deny it and forget about addressing it.

Now, Kog'Maw doesn't really have much leeway when it comes to playing him. Since you have no form of escape your only two play style options are balls deep and no balls.

No balls is all about firing off Living Artillery from afar and puking up the odd Void Ooze while your team drowns in your onslaught of cowardice and acidic vomit.

Balls deep is about being a man and doing things that don't make sense in the long run but satisfy your manly sense of self-worth in the moment. You don't just fire Living Artillery from afar! You get your alien a$$ in there and Caustic Spittle all over their heathen faces!!! Okay, don't run in and Caustic Spittle, but don't be afraid to deal out DPS with your Bio-Arcane Barrage and explode into the middle of their team. Remember, if you're going to die you might as well go out like a man by exploding all over other men.



But let's get serious for a second. There are an infinite number of digits in the sum for PIE. Do you know what that means? That means that if you decide to print off the digits for PIE during computer science class the printer will literally KEEP PRINTING! OMG IT'S SO FUNNY but immature don't do it. (Do it).

But no, really. You've probably heard it time and time again; focus the tank, don't target the carry, protect your support blah blah blah... (Did you see what I did there? Probably not because your mind is so indoctrinated). Targetting carries and ignoring tanks is all fine and dandy for coordinated team play, but in solo que it's every man for himself. That means you should probably target the guy who's ****ING KillING YOU! Don't ignore the Dr. Mundo FFS. Actually, yes, ignore the Dr. Mundo because he never ****ing dies. BUT DON'T IGNORE THE AMMUMU! OH GOD how I absolutely hate the Amumu! Little sh1t builds straight tank and deals more damage than your entire team!




If somebody's trying to kill you but they aren't dealing serious damage then by all means you should ignore them. Don't just focus the ADC and AP caster because that's what the meta nazis tell you to. Check the enemy's score and taret/avoid the people who are fed! The support will almost always be a waste of time to target once they've already dealt their CC and don't target Alistar even if he's fed and has a full build because he never deals any damage. (Over-exaggeration intended). An ADC or AP caster without any major items shouldn't be your main concern. Most of the time it's the bruisers you need to worry about for a good portion of the game since they'll often get fed top and then charge through your team trying to kill you. (I'm looking at you Olaf).

Don't feel bad if you couldn't get to a team fight because Volibear was imperviously chasing you across the map making h0rny bear noises or you end up dueling Shyvana because SHE WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE! If the enemy's tanks or brawlers get too fed, (on steak), it gets to a point where they're too beefy, (because of the steak), to kill and too deadly to ignore, (unlike the cow) Where the **** am I going with these brackets? whatever - That's when it's time to move on and just /SURRENDER!






Now, all balls aside, your effective role isn't so much an assassin as it is being an incredibly scary poker. What's a poker? Well, webster's dictionary defines it as 'one who pokes or engages in the action of poking.' In other words, USE LIVING ARTILLERY TO F@*% THE S@*# OUT OF PEOPLE! In all excruciatingly painful honesty, AP Kog'Maw's early dmg isn't spectacular. It isn't until you've built at least the Rod of Ages that you notice your Void Ooze and Living Artillery really start to shine. (Actually, if you DO start to notice shining you should probably check your graphics card). But once you complete that Seraph's Embrace your Living Artillery will be really, really hurting. Kog'Maw's poke can absaaaww-lutely destroy stale mates at towers so do your best, (I wanna be, the very best. That no1 ever was, den den den), to land that artillery fire.

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So Riot starts you in the gutter. You're poor, nobody loves you and it's up to you to pull your own weight and make a man out of yourself. Good news, there's an army of purple leprechauns attacking you that drop GOLD when you kill them! That's right! They hide their pots of gold at these two big pits in either side of the river. But be wary for there are big dragons on their periods guarding them! (Seriously, them dragons are b1tchy).

Farming with Kog'Maw is relatively easy depending on how difficult your lane opponent is. His main issue is having no sustain. In the beginning it's all about tediously last hitting those pesky little leprechauns and their steroid abusing cannon buddies. Later on though a good combo is to use Living Artillery on a line and quickly follow up with Void Ooze. Bio-Arcane Barrage significantly helps to last hit when Void Ooze is on cool down.


Don't hesitate to start farming wraiths if you've pushed your wave and you've reached level 6. Those creepy little b@stards sprout up faster dem der potatoes. (That's my farmer impression DON'T JUDGE ME). Make sure to use Bio-Arcane Barrage or the big wraith will take forever. Living Artillery does significantly less damage to minions, monsters and hobbits alike so don't depend on it for more than really low last hits.

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Evidently, I can't really speak Spanish but I do know a thing or two about strategies in League of Legends. There's two main phases that make up a game of League. The first phase is the laning phase where you tediously farm leprechauns and defend your tower. The second phase is the team fight phase. Or, it's sometimes in solo que simply the 'F*@# All and Assassinate B1tch3s' phase.




We've already covered the basics of farming creeps, (or as they preferred to be called, 'universally challenged cannon fodder'), but let's discuss what other roles they play aside from dropping gold when you kill them.

Minion lines consist of a few melee minions in the front and some caster minions in the back. On every 3rd wave there's a cannon minion as well. Melee minions don't really do jack sh1t. Don't worry too much about taking aggro from them. The caster and cannon minions on the other hand are SCARY AS H3LL. OMG, I seriously can't believe how bad@ss these guys can be. They wreck sh1t so keep them in mind! Whenever you attack your opponent it will draw nearby minion aggro. So don't get into a straight up engagements or harass your opponent too closely to them or they will WRECK YOU!




You can use minions to your advantage to win engagements or trade offs. For instance, at lower levels when someone tries to attack you and your minion line is strong you can simply run away and your opponent will end up taking more damage than you did from minion fire especially if they aren't packing armor runes. Minions are more than just mindless suicide bombers. They fight for the glorious motherland of mid lane! They'll protect you at all costs, even if it means sacrificing their lives to eat turret hits. Respect your minions. At low levels they HURT!

Another common tactic to remember in the laning phase is 'roaming' or 'ganking'. Basically, abandoning your lane to go help either top or bottom. This is a lot trickier to do than most people realize. First off, you need to push the minions to their tower. This can be dangerous because the further in your lane you are the easier it is for junglers or other lanes to gank you and with Kog'Maw you DO NOT want to get ganked! Your best bet is to only push out your lane when your flash is off cool down and you're a high enough level to actually cream through them petty, (yet SCARY), creeps with your Void Ooze.

Now, if your playing against a difficult opponent then forget it. You don't want to push your lane at the cost of getting iced like a... uh ... bucket of water ... getting ... frozen? Yah, that works. Don't DIE! But if do manage to pull off pushing your lane then you need to figure out which lane, (if any), is actually gankable and which lane has the best chance of success. If the champion in the lane you want to gank has a sure fire escape, (such as jayce), then you probably shouldn't gank since a failed gank will mean losing farm and experience. Trust me, you do not want to end up in the Summoner's Ghetto. There's this guy named Frank that wears a trench coat and I'm unfortunately aware of the fact that there is NOTHING UNDER HIS TRENCH COAT!





Despite popular belief, (yes, I have the audacity to assume what popular belief is), it can often times be quite opportune to gank when your allies have pushed their minion line to the enemy's tower because you can come around the back of their lane, (which avoids wards in the river), and sneak into the bushes along the side and wait for the minions to push out a bit. This works best while humming mission impossible music. Since it takes so long to set this gank up it's wise not to get impatient and instead simply commit to sitting for a while. You'll most likely get a kill if the support face checks the bush and finds you sitting there in which case it's a matter of 'SURPRISE MOTHA FU<KA!'




So a tower or two is dead. Alistar, otherwise known as AliBeara, is for some reason trying to solo dragon, Nasus is farming the enemy's red buff and Lee Sin keeps kicking the enemy Teemo into baron and typing 'LOLZ I ROCK3Rz U N00b!'.

League of Legends has an incredible capacity for awesomely coordinated team play, but it's still a game so you're probably going to see a ton of screwing around and lots of just 4theLAWLS moments. Ranked isn't much different even in the super high elos so if you're playing solo que don't, um... over estimate the likelihood for team work among the League community, (otherwise known as complete and utter random strangers).





Now you may or may not know about this crazy f#cking dragon that just beats on people in his little corner in the river. Oh, you have heard of him? Okay, that's good. Well, believe it or not there's a reason why teams will band together to slay him other than to make jokes about killing Shyvana's family member. He gives GOLD! $$$$

When you're actually playing with a coordinated team dragon is pretty simple. Somebody on the enemy team dies, now your team outnumbers their team, you take dragon. The more dead opponents the better. Often times if bot lane and the jungler manage to take out the enemy's bot lane then with the help of mid they'll 4 man gang bang dragon while the enemy mid and jungler cry 'NOOOOOOoOOOOooO!'. Dragon gives 190 gold to each and every member of your team which gives you a considerable edge, but some games neither team will even touch dragon. (Cause she's a b1tch! That's right. Dragon is a girl. How's that for a plot twist?).





Then of course there's always stealing the dragon. It's not a bad play if you have to suicide in to do it, but it's pretty exciting and demoralizing to the enemy team if you can steal it and get away. Kog'Maw can eat dragon with his Void Ooze from the wall behind dragon IF the enemy team doesn't draw him out into the river. Otherwise, you'll have to use Living Artillery which considering it's reduced damage against monsters and minions probably isn't going to nab the last hit. But hey, you could always just use your passive to suicide steal dragon. That's good for a laugh. Oh, and if you ever want to do dragon while the enemy team is all alive you should probably use a vision ward to make sure the enemy doesn't have a ward at dragon cuzz...it's kinda awkward when the entire enemy team shows up while you and your jungler are duoing dragon... yahhh.

Let's say your entire team is banded together. They're ready to charge head first into battle and reclaim their right to cabbage and barley. What's the most obvious method of achieving victory? Well, hmmm, I dunno, maybe uh PUSH MID! Just you and your team march your way straight down the middle of the map and force yourselves into the enemy's base like they're your own personal fleshlite. ... ... ... I don't know why I type these things. Regardless, in order to actually gain any ground you need to have good poke to whittle them down and your Kog'Maw will have LOTS of poke. Just don't get grabbed by the manicly laughing Blitzcrank. God I hate that robot.




Sometimes attacking head on isn't the best approach such as when your team has gotten completely wrecked in 3 team fights already. When the enemy isn't being overly proactive with their warding and your team has managed to destroy the first tower on one of the side lanes a good tactic is to try and get one of your team mates to push while the rest of your team hides in either the blue or red buff bush to catch members of the enemy team off guard in a SUUUPWIZE B1TCH3$ engagement. It's a very simple and effective strategy, but wards will screw the plan over entirely so you might want to plant a vision ward in the bush. Also, team mates don't always listen or do anything as a team so... Best of luck. :D

Alright, now it's time to talk about BARRRRRON NASHORRRRRRR!!! Everybody who's ever watched a tournament knows that Baron is one of the most important and pivotal components of the entire game! On the other hand, everybody who's played regular non-tournament play League knows that it's kinda important and sometimes completely forgotten about.





In either case, if you can rally your team together to do Baron, (often done with a ping or a brief 'ZOMG N00B t3am l3tz PLZ d0 B@r0n or I AFK!!!'), then it's important to have a vision ward handy to wipe out any enemy wards and placing a ward on the other side of Baron to make try and prevent the enemy team from stealing it. Like Dragon, Baron is best done when the enemy team has more dead players than yours does. Sometimes if both teams are kind of being pu$$y little b1tches you can attempt to force a baron by going to baron and luring the enemy team to it while your team waits in ambush for a 5 MAN ASSASSINATION! The guy you kill will be all like, 'n00bz it takes 5 ppl to kill me!'. And your team will be all like, 'it's a team game, bro'. And then he goes, ... ah nevermind.

So there you go. Your 101 on basic League tactics. And remember, sometimes it benefits not to be over eager to surrender until after one or two actual team fights. Even when your team is under farmed there are times your champion composition and the right positioning can make a huge difference that gives you and your team the upper hand in 5 v 5 engagements.

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Okay, so maybe this doesn't have anything specifically to do with the Almighty AP Kog'Maw, but I think this is important to consider regardless of which champ you happen to be enslaving and sending to death with your cruel, yet godly summoning powers.

I've been to the mountain top and traveled many roads to get there. I've been places, seen things, done things and abandoned things once I found out they were pregnant. And what I have discovered after my years of travel and quiet contemplation is USE THE MUTE BUTTON!

Your greatest ally in the League of Prepubescent Teens, (translated to Fields of Justice in n3rd sp33k), is the all powerful MUUUUUTE BUTTOOOOOOOOOON! (Imagine I'm saying that through an echoing amplifier, it sounds totally epic!). Otherwise, you could become what my fellow monks of the mute button allegiance call...


A Butthurt Warrior is someone who believes that when somebody sets your house on fire the best way to put out that fire is to set the other guy's house on fire. This here is a video of one of the kings of Butthurt Warriors after failing to put out his own fire by attempting to set somebody else on fire.






Now sure, when somebody fails to last hit and the Butthurt Warrior says 'NOOB EZ CAN'T FARM, GG' he might feel like he's a totally badass space mercenary belittling a silly little wannabe who's right clicking skills are inferior to his, but really he's just a sad teen who's so easily irritated by insignificant events that he has to try and irritate other people to make himself feel better. <--- WOOOAH this **** just got Freudianly SERIOUS!



*Stands on top of a nearby over turned milk crate* The fact of the matter is, (a fact proven by NASA), there is never a just reason for belittling someone over a video game. (And no, mocking someone doesn't count as constructive criticism). Video games are meant to be fun. But, given the competitive nature of League of Legends somebody has to win and somebody has to lose. Losing for the most part isn't pleasant, but poor skill or bad tactics on your team mates part is never a sensible reason to start verbally abusing your fellow players. (Unless you're a cranky old video gamer who's too set in his ways).





Yes, hurting somebody's butt might make your butt feel a little better at the time, but regardless of how good butt vengeance may momentarily feel a Butthurt Warrior is only hurting him/her self by failing to manage their negative emotions in a healthy way.

So the next time a Butthurt Warrior starts to verbally abuse you DON'T try and out intellectualize them or one up them with your gamer skills, weight lift capacity or number of girls you've banged with your outrageously massive reproductive organ. Just hit the MUUUTE BUTTOOOON!

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So in case you absolutely insist on playing petty little AD Kog'Maw, (so what if he can kill an entire 5 man team in under 7 seconds), I have added for your convenience a typical AD carry build along with some viable alternatives.

The Blade of the Ruined King is one of those glorious items that deals damage based on HP. Unfortunately, it's based on current rather than max meaning that this item will start off strong but it's strength will somewhat wither off as your opponent's HP vanishes under your abusive onslaught of green mouth poop. The % of HP is dealt in physical damage so it synergizes with armor pen/reduction and gives quite a bit of life steal. Since Kog'Maw is one of the few ADCs, (only), with absolutely ZERO escape, let's be honest, Void Ooze doesn't count as an escape, you're probably not going anywhere you're going to want some survivability through lifesteal. The active of course is absolutely awesome for slowing the enemy either allowing you to kite or, (Omg is it possible?), potentially escape. It also steals health from the person you use it on and gives it to you so that's pretty bad *** for increasing your survivability.

This is pretty mandatory for any ADC since the idea of being an 'attack damage carry' is to 'carry' with your 'attack damage'. I don't know who I'm quoting, but the quotes signify importance! Anyways, with all the damage you're pumping out you don't want it to get significantly wasted on armor that many of the tanky dps's will have. So build this item. Or don't. But if you don't there will be dire consequences. Or none. Either way. Build it. (Don't). Shut up bracket boy.

When you're critting for over 9000 the last thing you want is to get assassinated by THE FED Rengar! That's where the Guardian Angel comes in. It ensures that even if you get nuked out of the fight you can still come back and hopefully demolish the enemy team with raw damage and life steal. Or maybe you'll just come back to life and they'll all gang rape you. Either way, it's your best bet at staying alive. The armor and magic resist also help to keep you just a tad bit less squishy. Oh, and don't forget that the whole 'I'M ****n' JESUS AND I'M COMING BACK TO LIFE' passive has a 5min cool down.

The Infinity Edge is obviously a very popular ADC item as it provides critical strike chance, damage AND increased critical strike damage. The only trouble with this item is that it's hard to fit into a build when you want an early blood thirster since you need the Phantom Dancer, (a dancing phantom... weird image), for the attack speed and the Last Whisper for penetration. The Infinity Edge will really vamp up your damage.

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I'm tired. After working at the coal mine for 29 hours a day, (they use space time continuum warp technology to get more hours out of a day), and 7 days a week I'm exhausted and quite likely on the verge of death so I'm going to keep this section short and sweet. (Like a candy covered white basketball player).

You probably don't see this item a whole lot and that's because it's simply outclassed by that stuck up Ravenous Hydra and Blade of the Ruined King. Back in the day though it used to be strong The Bloodthirster. You knew it was strong because it has 'The' in front of it's name. Must be important. But nope, it sux. So I like to get this anymore on Kog'Maw.

The Maw of Malmortius isn't typically built on an ADC, but that's generally because ADC's focus more on damage than survivability. With that being said, this item does offer A LOT of raw damage and can potentially be your best friend if an AP assassin is on your ***. I'd generally buy a Mercurial Scimitar over this, but if gold is tight than the Maw of Malmortius is notably cheaper and has cheaper items to build into it. We all have those ghetto ADC games amIright? I said AMIRIGHT? Ah you're no fun.

Wow KeepItSimple, this isn't an orthodox AD carry item. Are you high? Why yes I am! But that's asides the point. The point is... ****, I hate when I forget what I'm pointing at. Anyways, this item isn't none too shabby on Kog'Maw. Attack speed is good shiz and grants some tenacity which is gewwwwwwwwd Anakin. It's okay if you don't know that reference. Good item to replace your boots with in a full build.

The The Black Cleaver serves best for enhancing AD abilities, but it can be effective on an ADC for shredding armor and synergizing with the Last Whisper. Not the greatest item on Kog'Maw since he sorta, kinda has absolutely no AD abilities that benefit from the armor pen. Regardless, this item can vamp up your auto attack damage and has a lot of inexpensive ingredients that build into it.

What's this for you ask? Why I'll tell you. It's a little statistic called attack speed and critical strike. They do waaay damage when combined with AD. A similar item is the Statikk Shiv which while not as good late game provides more damage for early/mid game. Synergizes well with The Bloodthirster. (You ever find the concept of a sword thirsting for blood to be kind of... ah nevermind).

I don't love the Mercurial Scimitar, as it is quite expensive. But it offers up damage and survivability that simply can't be passed up. I won't let you pass it up. If you do pass it up I'll slap you around. Now make me a sandwich. ... Please. Anyways, while you're working on that sandwich keep in mind that quicksilver active on this item. It's sorta, kinda, not really, no actually it is, but perhaps, no, it is, for sure the main attraction of this item. It's basically a cleanse spell within an item. As an ADC you do not want to get stunned without this item as it could mean an imminent and painful demise. 'Could'. Probably not. But maybe. Actually quite likely. Or not... Whatever, just buy it.

Kog'Maw has a really fun skill set and a very rewarding, (hilarious), passive. But if you're having a hard time playing him ADC in solo que don't hesitate to be a man and whip out your massive... AP Kog'Maw! I assure you that he's not just viable he's incredibly strong. Most AP casters only have 3 AP damaging abilities. Kog'Maw has 4! That's right Robin!

Yes, kow'maw, (I'm just going to leave that typo because I laughed at it for over 20 minutes), has no escape or hard CC and for an AP caster that can be incredibly keyboard-smashingly frustrating. But what Kog'Maw lacks in mobility he makes up for with insane damage and lots of long range AOE. As long as you keep Kog'Maw fed, bathed, groomed and lathered in dynamite you can easily destroy anyone that thinks your Kog'Maw is gang bangable. And when raw magic damage just isn't enough that's where you've got Icathian Surprise to make sure you always contribute lots of ALALALALLALALALALA to the team fight.

But hey, if balls deep isn't your style don't hesitate, (I'm lying), to surrender your manhood, (seriously don't do it), and play it no balls. Between Living Artillery and Void Ooze AP Kog'Maw can still deal plenty of damage from afar.

Now have fun and remember to...